Blahahahahahahahaha

Ugg Boot

Crack Found on
Governor's Daughter
[imagine that!]


Something Went Wrong
in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[no, really?]


Police Begin Campaign
to Run Down Jaywalkers
[now that's taking things a bit far!]


Is There a
Ring of Debris
around Uranus?
[not if I wipe thoroughly!]


Panda Mating Fails;
Veterinarian Takes Over
[what a guy!]


Miners Refuse
to Work
after Death
[no-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos!]


Juvenile Court to
Try Shooting Defendant
[see if that works any better than a fair trial!]

War Dims Hope
for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly,
It May Last Awhile
[you think?!]

Cold Wave Linked
to Temperatures
[who would have thought!]

Enfield (London) Couple
Slain; Police
Suspect Homicide
[they may be on to something!]


Red Tape Holds
Up New Bridges
[you mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!]


Man Struck By Lightning
Faces Battery Charge
[he probably IS the battery charge!]

New Study of Obesity
Looks for Larger
Test Group
[weren't they fat enough?!]

Astronaut Takes
Blame for Gas
in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]


Kids Make
Nutritious
Snacks

[Taste like chicken?]

Did I Offend You? Awww.

Ugg Boot


How many of you were offended by yesterday's post? It's good for you. It'll make you stronger. You'll either get stronger or die.

Who thought that one day we could make animal-human hibrids? Well, check this out.

Michael Jackson wants his nemesis Santa Barbara County DA, Tom 'Mad Dog' Sneddon, to personally try the case against him in open court. I hope Michael kicks their ass. Think about this scenario: You have a young child. You let this child hang out at Michael Jacksons house because he is richer than the United States itself. Had Michael not been so rich, would the parents have still sent their chilluns' over? No. If Michael is guilty, he should go to jail, where of course, he'll have a studio so he can record. If not, leave him alone so he can come out with a new album.

Speaking of so-called child abuse. Say you have two sons. They get into a fight and you can't break them up. They won't respect your command to stop. Do you join in the fight? If you had a belt, would you hit the boys? (I would). Would you try to get the to stop by giving them a time out? (time out is the stupidest thing I've ever heard of. If you have children at my house, there will never ever be a time out. You were warned) If you had a stun gun, would you use it?(depending on the circumstance, I would). One dad did, and now he's in jail. Children don't respect adults anymore because all of the pussy parents don't want to spank their children. I think the parents need to be spanked for bad parenting. I know some of you are sitting there steaming over what I just said. As your children are destroying your house behind you. Leave me a comment so I can shoot it down.

Senator Wants Boxing Gloves on Chickens. Oh My God!!!

This week in history

1956, Buddy Holly records for the first time for Decca at a session in Nashville ... Elvis Presley makes his national television debut on The Dorsey Brothers Stage Show singing "Heartbreak Hotel"...

1958, The Champs release "Tequila" which will become one of the more successful one-word songs ... two band members, Jim Seals and Dash Crofts, will later form their own duo Seals & Crofts and score big hits in the '70s with "Hummingbird" and "Summer Breeze"...

1967, Jimi Hendrix and The Who perform at London's Saville Theatre...

1969, The Beatles, with Billy Preston joining them on organ, perform in public as a group for the last time on the roof of the Apple Studios building ... the performance is filmed for all to see later, but the famous roof-top jam ends after four songs when police show up to enforce a noise complaint from the neighbors...

1972, in what is becoming historically a bad week for bluesmen, Willie Dixon dies of heart failure in Burbank, California ... he will be remembered for his many blues and early rock classics ... "Hoochie Coochie Man," "Little Red Rooster," "Back Door Man," and many more ... Lightnin' Hopkins, Slim Harpo, and S.P. Leary also depart this mortal plane this week ... more than 40,000 file past Mahalia Jackson's coffin to pay final respects to the renowned gospel singer who died four days earlier ... at her funeral the next day, Sammy Davis Jr. reads a letter from President Nixon and Aretha Franklin sings "Precious Lord, Take My Hand"...

1973, KISS performs their first show at the Coventry Club in Queens ... they have yet to develop their trademark look ... Paul Stanley will later characterize the band's appearance as a New York Dolls look...

1978, workers at the EMI record processing plant in Britain take offense at the title of a Buzzcocks' single and refuse to press it ... the offending title is "Oh S**t" ... the record eventually does get pressed and the flip side, "What Do I Get?" becomes a #1 smash hit in the U.K...

1982, after a long struggle with cancer, blues guitarist and singer Lightnin' Hopkins dies in a Texas hospital ... his playing strongly influenced generations of guitarists discovering the blues...

1984, Michael Jackson's hair is ignited by pyrotechnics while filming a commercial for Pepsi ... he suffers scalp and neck burns requiring hospitalization ... Jackson will recover and the commercial will eventually be aired but sans footage of Michael in flames ... the event is later parodied in Neil Young's video, "This Note's for You" and in Eminem's clip, "Just Lose It"...

1994, former Supreme Mary Wilson flips her jeep on a freeway outside of Los Angeles .. .her 14-year-old son dies in the accident and Wilson is injured...

1999, a benefit concert is held in East Rutherford, New Jersey, for Mumia Abu-Jamal, a convicted cop killer ... Jamal's insistence on his innocence, as well as questions of fairness at his trial, have garnered him the support of numerous actors and musicians since he was convicted in 1982 of the death of police officer Daniel Faulkner and sentenced to death ... Rage Against the Machine, the Beastie Boys, Chumbawamba, Public Enemy's Chuck D, and Bad Religion perform ... 16,000 attend...

Birthdays

January 26: Stephane Grapelli (1908), Eartha Kitt (1928 - some sources cite her birthday as January 17, 1928), Huey "Piano" Smith (1934), Derek Holt of the Climax Blues Band (1949), David Briggs of Little River Band (1951), Andy Hummell of Big Star (1951), Lucinda Williams (1953), Edward Van Halen (1957), Norman Hassan of UB40 (1958), Wham's Andrew Ridgley (1963), Soul II Soul's Jazzie B. (1963), gospel star Kirk Franklin (1970)

January 27: Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (1756), Jerome Kern (1885), blues legend Elmore James (1918), Nick Mason of Pink Floyd (1945), Seth Justman of The J. Geils Band (1951), Brian Downey of Thin Lizzy (1951), Cowboy Junkies' Margo Timmins (1961), New Order's Gillian Gilbert (1961), Faith No More's Mike Patton (1968)

January 28: Arthur Rubenstein (1887), Mr. Acker Bilk (1929), Brian Keenan of the Chambers Brothers (1944), Dick Taylor of The Pretty Things (1944), Nedra Talley of The Ronettes (1946), Rick Allen of The Box Tops (1946), Mountain's Corky Laing (1948), The Alarm's Dave Sharp (1959), Sarah McLachlan (1968), rapper Rakim (1968), Cypress Hill's Muggs (1968), Joey Fatone of *NSYNC (1977), Nick Carter of Backstreet Boys (1980)

January 29: Huddie Ledbetter AKA Leadbelly (1889), David Byron of Uriah Heep (1947), Tommy Ramone of the Ramones (1949), Louie Perez of Los Lobos (1953), Eddie Jackson of Queensryche (1961)

January 30: Marty Balin of The Jefferson Airplane (1942), Steve Marriott of Small Faces (1947), William King of the Commodores (1949), Mary Ross of Quarterflash (1951), Steve Bartek of Oingo Boingo (1952), Shalamar's Jody Watley (1959), Johnny Lang (1981)

January 31: Franz Schubert (1797), vaudeville favorite Eddie Cantor (1892), blues pianist Roosevelt Sykes (1906), ethnomusicologist Alan Lomax (1915), Mario Lanza (1921), Carol Channing of "Hello Dolly" fame (1923), composer Phillip Glass (1937), harpmeister Charlie Musselwhite (1944), Chicago's Terry Kath (1946), Harry Wayne Casey of K.C. & the Sunshine Band (1951), Phil Collins (1951), Phil Manzanera of Roxy Music (1951), Johnny Lydon aka Johnny Rotten (1956), Slayer's Jeff Hanneman (1964), Al Jaworski of Jesus Jones (1966), Jason Cooper of The Cure (1967), Justin Timberlake of *NSYNC and Britney Spears fame (1981)

February 1: Bob Shane of The Kingston Trio (1934), Don Everly (1937), Dr. Hook's Ray Sawyer (1937), Jimmy Carl Black of The Mothers of Invention (1938), Rick James (1952), Mike Campbell of Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers (1954), Lisa Marie Presley (1968), Patrick Wilson of Weezer (1969), Outkast's Big Boi (1975)

Deaths

January 26: blues drummer S. P. Leary (1998)

January 27: Tin Pan Alley composer Gerald Marks (1997), Mahalia Jackson (1972)

January 28: recording pioneer John Mosley (1996)

January 29: the legendary Willie Dixon (1992)

January 30: songwriter Julius Dixon (2004), jazz producer Bob Thiele (1996), bluesman Sam "Lightnin'" Hopkins (1982)

January 31: mother-of-the-band Barbara Cowsill (1985), Blood, Sweat & Tears saxophonist Greg Herbert (1978), R&B singer-songwriter Buster Brown (1976), swamp bluesman Slim Harpo (1970)

February 1: songwriter John Jarrad (2001)

It's Only Art

Ugg Boot


I took this on the way to a business meet in Lafayette yesterday(1-25-05). I was driving about 70 miles an hour and was surprised that it took at all. Click to enlarge. It looks better big.



Man, do I love Pink Floyd. Who's with me?????



Sittin' on the couch. Relaxin'. Makes you wonder what I'm lookin' at doesn't it?



Superman should stop eating beans.



What can I say about this one? Yummy!!!



I wonder how they got the trunk painted. "Dude, calm down or this is never gonna work"



I want one.



Santa Pimp!!!



Willie Rocks!!!



"Jeepers, Creepers, Where'd you get those Peepers?"

Boom Shakka Boom

Ugg Boot

Police were on the search on Friday for a thief who made off with three "male appendages" from a Vancouver-area sex-toy store and may now be looking for batteries. This is the best I could come up with?

A Romanian tabloid said on Monday it had fired a reporter for making up a story about a couple who named their son Yahoo as a sign of gratitude for meeting over the Internet. Obviously they've never heard of the Enquirer or the News Star.

A Frenchman lost in a labyrinth of disused mushroom caves said he had survived 35 days by eating rotten wood and clay, after being rescued only thanks to a teachers' strike. Wow. I wonder if David Bowie ever showed up in the Labyrinth?

French customs officers have seized a set of Christmas Santa Claus decorations made of cocaine. Good Santa!!

A British man who sent hoax e-mails to relatives of people missing since the Asian tsunami, saying their loved ones had been confirmed dead, was sentenced Monday to six months in prison. As he should've been.

San Francisco may become the first city in the nation to charge shoppers for grocery bags. Those bastards.

State Sen. John Ford testified in a juvenile court hearing that he keeps two homes, living with two different women whose children he fathered. Who's da man? Senator Pimp in da house.

A Las Vegas law prohibiting strippers from fondling customers during lap dances is unconstitutionally vague, a judge ruled. District Court Judge Sally Loehrer affirmed a lower court ruling that as many as five misdemeanor criminal cases filed against Las Vegas strippers should be dismissed. Strippers - 5, Lawyers - 0. Rock on!

beatles michael

It's Friday

Ugg Boot

This is just one of the many reasons why I love to work on houses. Oh yeah!

A Czech man is being taken to court after he hid in a restaurant washroom until the employees had left and then hooked up beer kegs directly to his mouth. Has Homer Simpson crossed over from animation to live action?

An Italian restaurant that sold a pizza with a human tooth baked into the crust has been fined nearly $4,000 for a lack of hygiene. Oh, you ordered the toothless pizza.....

A former state judge, who allegedly used a sex toy called a penis pump in court, was charged with three felony counts of indecent exposure by Oklahoma authorities on Thursday.

The unidentified man who embarrassed police by sneaking past inauguration security four years ago to get a handshake from President Bush was arrested on Thursday before he had a chance to get another presidential grip. All he wanted was a hand shake. He probably had a Tommy Gun under his shirt.

The family of a girl paralyzed in a car crash caused by a drunken football fan won $105 million in damages from the concessionaire that sold him beer, and the girl's father said on Thursday the case should have far-reaching effects. They sued the concessoinaire? This makes no sense at all. They should only be able to sue the dumb driver that paid to get intoxicated. Did they sue the vendor that sold the concessioinaire the beer? or the shipper that brought the beer to the venue? or the maker of the beer? If you want to get rich in America, here's how to do it. Sue someone with deep pockets but a small enough reach as to not have to fight a panel of lawyers.

A student whose vacation plans were spoiled has sued to end summer homework in Wisconsin, claiming it creates an unfair workload and unnecessary stress. Oh my pussy hurts!!! Get your prioirities straight panty waste. Decide which is more important, education or vacation. Drop out you idiot.

A 50-year-old Reno man who was hospitalized after he castrated himself told police he learned of the procedure on the Internet and did so to lower his libido. The man, whose name was not released, called 911 at about 1:30 a.m. Monday and asked for help because he could not stop the bleeding from a self-castration operation. I'll say it again. The world is full of stupid people.

"You're not wearing pants in my church, you demon,". Must read!!!

What's Happenin' Folks?

Ugg Boot

This gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "Get your head outta your ass!!"

Police are searching for a pistol-wielding robber who stole female leather bondage gear and an inflatable sex doll from an erotica store in Milan Wednesday.

Antwerp will dim the bright new lights along the Belgian port city's waterfront after prostitutes complained they were putting off potential clients. Now there's a city that cares.

Brazil, one of the Latin American countries hardest hit by the AIDS epidemic, will hand out a record 11 million condoms to prevent the spread of the disease during its erotically charged Carnival festival when casual sex rises. Well, you can cross out Brazilean women from my list of nationalities of women to have sex with. Hmm. That only leaves about 157 nationalities.

A crack cocaine dealer who forgot a backpack containing C$91,000 ($74,000) in a Winnipeg mall was arrested after he tried to reclaim the bag at the mall's lost-and-found desk. Dumbass!!!

A German woman hid her father's corpse in a rubbish bin for three years so she could collect his pension and old age benefits. What's the problem here?

A woman in northeastern Brazil has given birth to what one doctor called a "giant baby," a boy weighing 16.7 pounds. That's what I want. A scrapping you lad like me.

Mice seeking shelter in the cold Dutch winter found a short-lived home inside four Dutch air force F-16 fighter jets by building nests with wiring they had gnawed loose. "hey, why isn't my ejector seat working? Oh shit!"

Researchers have found chemicals produced by the human body that repel mosquitos, which could lead to a natural, odourless insect spray.

This was taken by a KTBS News helicopter flying over Cross Lake! (For those of you who are not local, Cross Lake is in Shreveport, La.) That has to be a HUGE gator to have a whole deer in its mouth!

This week in Music History

1957, Johnny Cash hits network TV for the first time as a guest on the Jackie Gleason Show....

1959, armed with naught but an acoustic guitar and a tape recorder, Buddy Holly holes up in his New York apartment to lay down the last tracks he will ever record ... tunes include "Crying, Waiting, Hoping" and "Peggy Sue Got Married" ... Coral Records mixes in backing instrumentation and releases the songs posthumously.....

1960, Sam Cooke signs his record deal with RCA Records...

1966, Nancy Sinatra, the most famous fruit of Frank's loins, enters the Hot 100 for the second time with the timeless cheek and brassy cool of "These Boots Are Made for Walkin'"...

1971, China, the daughter of Jefferson Airplane bandmates Grace Slick and Paul Kantner, is born at French Hospital in San Francisco ... a joke Slick makes at a nurse's expense spawns a decades-long urban myth that the baby was dubbed God ... the little girl appears on the cover of the 1972 Slick/Kantner album Sunfighter, which includes a song about her creatively titled "China"...

1973, Jerry Lee Lewis is invited to play the Grand Ole Opry with the proviso that he neither perform rock 'n' roll tunes nor utter profanities ... The Killer proceeds to belt out "Great Balls of Fire," "Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On," and "Good Golly Miss Molly" and then announces that he's a "rock and rolling, country and western, rhythm and blues singin' motherf****r"...

1973, Neil Young stops during a New York performance to read a mysterious message handed to him on stage ... "Peace has come," he announces, referencing the signing of the Paris Peace Accords, which signals the formal end of the Vietnam War ... the crowd spontaneously celebrates with wild bouts of hugging and kissing as Young fires up a particularly rockin' version of "Southern Man"...

1974, Bob Dylan and The Band are the cause of a nine-mile-long traffic jam in the sunny state of Florida ... the queue takes so long to clear up that many fans do not get into the Hollywood Sportatorium, located between Miami and Fort Lauderdale, until the show is halfway over...

1979, The Cars are voted the Best New Band of the Year in the Rolling Stone annual reader's poll...

1980, Saturday Night Live comedian John Belushi busts out his rawest Blues Brothers chops in a post-birthday jam with The Dead Boys at The Whisky A Go Go in Los Angeles...

1982, a highly-soused Ozzy Osbourne gnaws the head off a bat that has been tossed onstage by a fan ... Ozzy later says he thought it was a fake rubber model ... legend has it that he is obliged to go through a course of rabies shots just to be safe...

1982, as record collectors everywhere drool, the University of Mississippi receives the entire record collection of bluesman and ex-disc jockey B.B. King ... the veritable audio treasure trove is B.B.'s effort to enrich the university's Center for the Study of Southern Culture and includes about 20,000 rare blues records...

1986, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame holds its first induction ceremony in New York City ... started just three years prior, it will be nine more years before the Hall has a proper building...

1988, Nirvana records a ten-song demo tape with producer Jack Endino and with The Melvin's Dale Crover holding down the drumming responsibilities as a favor to the band ... the six-hour session's tracks are never released as a collective album but will be spread across the Nirvana albums Bleach, Incesticide, From the Muddy Banks of the Wishkah, With the Lights Out, and numerous bootleg CDs...

1991, he rocks his peers and the cash register at record stores: the L.L. Cool J album Mama Said Knock You Out is certified Platinum by the RIAA...

1993, the U.S. Supreme Court decides that Tom Waits can keep the $2.6 million judgement awarded him in a lawsuit against Frito Lay ... the snack food company had asked to use Waits' song "Step Right Up" in an advertisement, but he declined the offer ... in a moment of overwhelming stupidity, Frito Lay hired a Tom Waits soundalike to record a song strikingly similar to "Step Right Up" and used it in the commercial instead ... ironically, Waits wrote and recorded the song as "an indictment of advertising" and it contains the lyric "What the large print giveth, the small print taketh away"...

2002, it is announced by Virgin Records that they are going to fork out 28 million smackers to be free of Mariah Carey and her $80 million contract for several albums ... Carey has undergone a woeful personal and professional collapse with rambling suicidal missives on her website, a laughably bad movie, and a poor-selling soundtrack--her first record with Virgin...

2002, Freddy Fender receives a kidney transplant ... he will be released from the hospital on January 30...

Birthdays:

January 19: Phil Everly of the Everly Brothers (1939), Janis Joplin (1943), Rod Evans of Deep Purple (1945), Dolly Parton (1946), Robert Palmer (1949), Dewey Bunnell of America (1952), Caron Wheeler of Soul II Soul (1963)

January 20: Leadbelly born Huddie William Ledbetter (1889), George Grantham of Poco (1947), Paul Stanley of Kiss (1952), Ian Hill of Judas Priest (1952)

January 21: Wolfman Jack (1939), Richie Havens (1941), Placido Domingo of The Three Tenors (1941), Billy Ocean born Leslie Sebastian Charles (1950), Jam Master Jay of Run-DMC (1965)

January 22: Sam Cooke (1931), The Shirelles' Addie Harris (1941), punk impresario Malcolm McLaren (1946), Meatloaf aka Marvin Lee Aday (1946), Steve Perry of Journey (1949), Michael Hutchence of INXS (1960), Steven Adler of Guns 'N' Roses (1965), D J Jazzy Jeff (1965), Willa Ford (1981)

January 23: Django Reinhardt (1910), Jerry Lawson of The Persuasions (1944), Anita Pointer of The Pointer Sisters (1948), Patrick Simmons of the Doobie Brothers (1950), Danny Federici of the E Street Band (1950), Bill Cunningham of The Box Tops (1950), Robin Zander of Cheap Trick (1953), Anita Baker (1958), UB40's Earl Falconer (1959)

January 24: Doug Kershaw (1936), Ray Stevens (1939), Aaron Neville (1941), Neil Diamond (1941), Warren Zevon (1947), Jools Holland (1958)

January 25: Chita Rivera (1933), Etta James (1938), Richard Finch of KC & the Sunshine Band (1954), Terry Chimes of The Clash (1955), Andy Cox of Fine Young Cannibals (1956), Roxy Music's Gary Tibbs (1958), Alicia Keys (1981)

Deaths:

January 19: Carl Perkins (1998)

January 20: DJ Alan Freed (1965)

January 21: Peggy Lee (2002), Col. Tom Parker (1997), Jackie Wilson (1984)

January 23: "Louie Louie" composer Richard Berry (1997), gospel songwriter Thomas A. Dorsey (1993), Lynyrd Skynyrd guitarist Allen Collins (1990), Terry Kath of Chicago (1978), Vic Ames of the Ames Brothers (1978), jazz trombonist Edward "Kid" Ory (1973), Big Maybelle Smith (1972)

January 24: James "Shep" Sheppard of Shep & the Limelites (1997), producer and half of C&C Music Factory David Cole (1994), film composer Ken Darby (1992)

January 25: choral conductor Robert Shaw (1999)

Hello Fellow Earthlings....

Ugg Boot



A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME
WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,

HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY?
IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW.

HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY;
FIX THE LIGHT, NOW?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE A G.E. LOGO PRINTED ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO!

THE WIFE ASKS, WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT.

TO WHICH HE REPLIED, FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO.

FINE, SHE SAYS THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS TO THE FRONT DOOR?
THEY'RE ABOUT TO BREAK.

I'M NOT A DAMN CARPENTER AND I DON'T WANT TO FIX STEPS, HE SAYS.
DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO.

I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU.
I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!!

SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS. HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES TO GO HOME AND HELP OUT.

AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.

AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE HALL LIGHT IS WORKING.

AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.

HONEY, HE ASKS, HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?

SHE SAID, WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT OUTSIDE AND CRIED. JUST THEN A NICE
YOUNG MAN ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM. HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE
REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE.

HE SAID, SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE HIM?

SHE REPLIED,
HELLOOOOO.......DO YOU SEE BETTY CROCKER WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO!

The makers of the handy spray lubricant WD-40 proudly list 2,000 uses for their product, from unsticking rusty screws or squeaky bicycle chains to polishing frying pans. But British police have found another -- keeping the public from snorting cocaine off toilet lids in bars. There is no way in hell I would snort anything off of a toilet seat in a bar.

An Italian man who slapped a young woman on the bottom while she was making a telephone call has been handed a 14-month suspended jail term by the Supreme Court. I'm soooooo glad that's not America. I'd be in soooo much trouble. C'mere baby. SSsssssssssssssssssslap.

Richard Hatch evaded getting kicked off the island to win $1 million on the reality-television show "Survivor," only to be accused of dodging the tax man on his earnings. What's the penalty? $1 million?

A Canadian man, upset that his 9-year-old son was benched during a hockey game, allegedly choked the team's coach in a fit of rage. This dingleberry is teaching his son a lot about sportsmanship.

A Brazilian man arguing with his 88-year-old mother threw her into a neighbors' yard where two pit bulls mauled her to death. And I'm proud to be an American where atleast I know I'm free.......

The mystery man was dressed for the cold rather than tradition, and some spectators were not quite as respectful as in years past. But for the 56th year, a man stole into a locked graveyard early on Edgar Allan Poe's birthday and placed three roses and a half-empty bottle of cognac on the writer's grave. Creeeeeepy

I Order You To Go To This Site

Ugg Boot

I ORDER YOU TO GO TO THIS SITE!!!!!

It's Friday once again.

Ugg Boot



Can you kids tell me what band this is? If not, you've gone far enough on my page. Go away!!!!

Woo Hoo!!!

Ugg Boot

Politicians in one Australian state have been asked to lend a hand and become sperm donors to help arrest dwindling supplies at an in-vitro fertilization clinic. Can I donate?

A Connecticut woman who was artificially inseminated with the wrong sperm gave birth to a healthy baby boy. Hope they weren't politicians from Australia.

A Romanian couple named their son Yahoo as a sign of gratitude for meeting over the Internet. Poor, poor child. He will either get tough or die with a name like that.

Arkansas cops subdue nude jogger with taser. Youch!!!

Noisy lovemaking is no cause for eviction — so long as it's done in the daytime, a Swedish landlord said Thursday.

A large pile of composting manure burning for almost two months has neighbors upset and state officials looking for a way to put it out. Talk about Hot Shit!!!

Clint Eastwood made a strange speach while accetping an award. He said how he and Michael Moore were alike then added, "But, Michael, if you ever show up at my front door with a camera - I'll kill you."

A HOTEL bed which belonged to devil-worshipper Aleister Crowley is to be exorcised.

Check this out. Before and after arial photos of the Tsunami disaster.

This week in history.
1854 - The accordion is patented by Anthony Faas .

1910 - The first radio broadcast. Inventor Lee De Forest broadcasts a live performance of Enrico Caruso from the Metropolitan Opera.

1942 - Henry Ford patents a plastic automobile, which is 30% lighter than a regular car.

1944, jazz comes to the Met for the first time when Louis Armstrong, Benny Goodman, Lionel Hampton, Artie Shaw, Roy Eldridge, and Jack Teagarden take the stage and show 'em how it's done...

1957 - Wham-O Company produces the first Frisbee.

1955, Etta James releases her first hit, "Wallflower"...

1957, this week marks the opening of the Cavern Club in an old wine cellar on Matthew Street in Liverpool ... the club becomes world famous by the happy choice of the Beatles as its house band in 1961 and '62 ... it remains in business to this day...

1959, the staggering sum of $800 is borrowed by Berry Gordy for the purpose of starting Motown records, which will become one of the most successful and influential labels of the 20th century...

1962, "The Twist" by Chubby Checker tops the charts ... the song was written and first recorded by Hank Ballard and the Midnighters...

1966, British popster David Jones becomes David Bowie in an effort to avoid confusion with The Monkees' Davy Jones...

1967, in an unlikely bit of casting, Roy Orbison and Sheb Wooley (of "Purple People Eater" fame) are featured in the movie The Fastest Guitar Alive ... Orbison plays a gold-smuggling Confederate spy who totes a bullet-spewing guitar ... the movie also features seven of Orbison's songs on the soundtrack...

1967, the first Be-In takes place in San Francisco's Golden Gate Park ... these gatherings of the incense-and-sandals set go on to become a Bay-Area fixture...

1970, in a bizarre latter-day bubble of Victorian flatulence, Scotland Yard confiscates eight prints from John Lennon's exhibit of erotic lithographs ... an accountant who has strayed into the gallery, Bag One, complains to the police, "They were exaggerated distorted caricatures depicting intimate sexual relationships of a repulsive and disgusting nature" ... the raiding policeman, Detective Inspector Frederick Luff, says, "Many toilet walls depict works of similar merit. It is perhaps charitable to suggest that they are the work of a sick mind ... The only danger to a successful prosecution ... is the argument that they are so pathetic as to be incapable of influencing anyone" ... the gallery is closed and its owners prosecuted for violating obscenity laws ... a London magistrate finally dismisses the charges and returns the lithos to the gallery, where they had been on sale for $58 each...

1972, Memphis' Highway 51 South is renamed Elvis Presley Boulevard ... within a few years the street goes unmarked because the street signs are stolen as quickly as they can be replaced...

1973, Pink Floyd hits the studio to start laying down tracks for one of the most successful albums ever--Dark Side of the Moon...

1974, singer Dino Martin (son of Dean) of the pop trio Dino, Desi, and Billy, is arrested this week in 1974 on suspicion of possession and sale of two machine guns...

1977, Keith Richards wins one ... he is acquitted of possession of LSD charges ... he also loses one, being found guilty of cocaine possession ... charges stem from the discovery of the illegal substance in a car he wrecked on May 19, 1976...

1978, The Sex Pistols play their swan-song show at San Francisco's Winterland...

1980, Paul McCartney goes down in Japan for a big bag of reefer ... he spends 10 days in the slam then gets the ignominious boot...

1981, punk star and former erotic dancer-porn actress Wendy O. Williams is arrested in Milwaukee for pleasuring herself on stage with a sledge hammer ... Ms. Williams--who typically performs adorned only in a G string and two tiny strips of electrician's tape--resists arrest valiantly and receives 12 stitches in the head for her efforts ... she dies 18 years later of a self-inflicted gunshot wound...

1982 - Shortly after takeoff, an Air Florida jumbojet crashes into Washington, DC's 14th Street Bridge and falls into the Potomac River, killing 78.

1991, the crowd rushes the stage at an AC/DC concert in Salt Lake City, crushing three people to death...

1994, Danny Bonaduce of the Partridge Family squares off with Donny Osmond in a boxing ring and beats him in a split decision ... proceeds from the Chicago match go to charity...

1996, Jimmy Buffet, Island Records chairman Chris Blackwell, and U2 singer Bono are taking off in Buffet's seaplane in Jamaica when authorities open fire on them, mistaking them for drug traffickers ... nobody is hurt, no drugs are found, and the authorities are contrite ... Buffet gets a song out of it, "Jamaica Mistaica"...

1996, Lisa Marie Presley shocks the world this week in 1996 by filing for a divorce from the King of Pop after 20 months of matrimonial bliss ... "Do we have sex?" Presley volunteers during an earlier interview with the couple, whereupon they both adamantly answer her own question "Yes, yes, yes!" ... they do not specify with whom...

1996, a milestone of sorts is achieved when Wayne Newton performs his 25,000th Las Vegas show...

1999, claiming that Victoria's Secret's Metallica lip pencils constitute trademark infringement, the band Metallica files suit against the lingerie company...

2002 - US President George W. Bush faints after choking on a pretzel.

2003, as part of a sting on users of an internet child porn site, Pete Townshend is arrested at his home and his computer is seized ... the irony is that Townshend is an activist against child pornography and foolishly used his credit card to access the site merely to see how bad it was ... no child porn is found on Townshend's computer or in his house ... but since his credit card number was on the site, he is given a reprimand and released...

Births this week:

January 12: Mississippi Fred McDowell (1904), Tex Ritter (1907), Ray Price (1926), Glenn Yarbrough (1930), Long John Baldry (1941), Family Stone trumpeter Cynthia Robinson (1946), Michael Hutchence of INXS (1960), Charlie Gillingham of Counting Crows (1960), Rob Zombie (1966), Melanie Chisholm of The Spice Girls (1974)

January 13: Sophie Tucker (1888), Trevor Rabin of Yes (1954), Earth, Wind and Fire drummer Fred White (1955), Zach de la Rocha of Rage Against The Machine (1970)

January 14: big-band vocalist Russ Columbo (1908), Allen (Alain) Toussaint (1938), Mark Egan (1951), Chas Smash of Madness (1959), Jeff Tate of Queensryche (1959), Patricia Morrison of Sisters of Mercy (1962), L. L. Cool J (1968), Dave Grohl of The Foo Fighters and Nirvana (1969)

January 15: Gene Krupa (1909), folk music archivist Alan Lomax (1915), slide guitar blues giant Earl Hooker (1930), crooner Jack Jones (1938), Don Van Vliet AKA Captain Beefheart (1941), Edward Bivins of The Manhattans (1942), Ronnie Van Zant of Lynyrd Skynyrd (1949), Martha Davis of The Motels (1951), ELO bassist Melvyn Gale (1952), Lisa Velez of Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam (1967)

January 16: bandleader Phil Harris (1904), Broadway diva Ethel Merman (1908), operatic diva Marilyn Horne (1934), Bob Bogle of The Ventures (1937), William Francis of Dr. Hook (1942), Ronnie Milsap (1943), Sade born Helen Folasade Abu (1959), Paul Webb of Talk Talk (1962), Mark O'Toole of Frankie Goes to Hollywood (1964), Maxine Jones of En Vogue (1966), Aaliyah (1979)

January 17: Eartha Kitt (1927), Bobby Bland (1930), Chris Montez (1943), Mick Taylor [the only lead guitarist to quit the Rolling Stones and live] (1948), Steve Earle (1955), Paul Young (1956), Susanna Hoffs of The Bangles (1957), Shabba Ranks (1966), Kid Rock born Robert James Ritchie (1971)

January 18: blues giant Elmore James (1918), Bobby Goldsboro (1941), David Ruffin of The Temptations (1941), "Legs" Larry Smith of The Bonzo Dog Band (1944), Tom Bailey of The Thompson Twins (1956), DJ Quik (1970), Jonathan Davis of Korn (1971), Irish popette Samantha Mumba (1983)

Deaths this week:

January 12: Maurice Gibb of the Bee Gees (2003), Brazilian composer/guitarist Luis Bonfa (2001)

January 13: Donny Hathaway (1979), Stephen Foster (1864)

January 15: blues harp pioneer Junior Wells (1998), Grand Ole Opry performer Vic Willis (1995), Harry Nilsson (1994), songwriter Sammy Cahn (1993)

January 16: Paul Beaver of Beaver & Krause (1975), Clara Ward of the Ward Sisters (1973), Arturo Toscanini (1957)

January 17: multi-instrumentalist Norris Turney (2001), bluesman David "Junior" Kimbrough (1998), songwriter Tommy Tucker (1982), R&B singer Billy Stewart (1970)

I Love Ebay!!!!!!

Ugg Boot





7212 VITO RESOTONE Bb CLARINET On Sale Right Now On Ebay.
Check it out.



Rare Vintage Ibanez DFL Flanger Tom Morello

Click on the item name to see the auction site. Mention this site and get 10% off. I'm such a pimp.

In The Flesh

Ugg Boot

Words of Wisdom

Never name a pig you plan to eat.

Country fences ought to be horse high, pig tight, and bull strong.

Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb. It's about how good you bounce.

Keep skunks and gossipers at a distance.

Life is simpler when you plow around the stumps.
Trouble with a milk cow is...she won't stay milked.

Don't skinny dip with snapping turtles.

Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.

To know how country folks are doing, look at their barns, not their houses.

Teachers, Moms, and hoot owls sleep with one eye open.

Forgive your enemies. It messes with their heads.

Don't sell your mule to buy a plow.

Two can live as cheap as one...if one don't eat.

Don't corner something meaner than you.

You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar...if you're in to catching flies.

It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

Don't go drinking with a fellow named Chug-A-Lug.

You can't unsay a cruel remark.

Every path has some puddles.

The best sermons are lived, not preached.

Most of the stuff people worry about never happens.

The early bird gets the worm. But...the second mouse gets the cheese!.


And Now......
Britain's Ascension Island has been without mail since October because the Royal Mail has been sending its mail to South America. It took them 3 months to figure that out? They should try delivery confirmation.

A Presbyterian minister collapsed and died in mid-sentence of a sermon after saying "And when I go to heaven ...," his colleague said Monday. I guess that gave God and idea. Amen brother!



Ben Lipscomb found himself lost in the flooded backwoods of Bayou Meto this week while duck hunting with his Labrador retriever, Josey Wales. He only managed to make it out by tying his white briefs to the end of his gun barrel and waving them at an Arkansas State Police helicopter. hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

Michelin has unveiled an integrated tyre and wheel that runs without air -- a concept that the world's biggest tyre maker said could one day boost car performance and make pneumatic tyres obsolete. What?


Looks like the days of "Girls, Girls, Girls" are over for Motley Crue frontman Vince Neil. Neil, 43, the band's lead singer, married girlfriend Lia Gerardini, 37, Sunday at the Four Seasons hotel.

A woman claiming to be the KISS demon's ex-girlfriend before he became famous is suing Simmons, alleging he slandered her as a "sex-addicted nymphomaniac" in a VH1 program about the band. Gene Simmons has said many times that he had sex with any female present. You Rock Gene!!! and ex-girlfriend....go smoke some more crack!!!

Rain lashed water-logged Southern California again Tuesday, hampering efforts to find survivors buried by a mud slide in a coastal community and prompting hundreds to flee a mountain town before a rain-swollen lake spills over a dam. Sad, very sad.

A lawyer for Charles Graner, accused ringleader in the Iraq prisoner abuse scandal, on Monday compared piling naked prisoners into pyramids to cheerleader shows and said leashing inmates was also acceptable prisoner control. I always liked cheerleaders. Explain to me what was wrong with the nude pyramid? Atleast we're not torturing them with pain. but oh the stress. It's so degrading. War is degrading.

...And of course on the Living Crazy page, we always appreciate a good recipe.

CAT LITTER CAKE RECIPE

The pictures below show the results, which looks like S#%* but I hear is actually quite tasty.

CAKE INGREDIENTS

1 box spice or German chocolate cake mix
1 box of white cake mix
1 package white sandwich cookies
1 large package vanilla instant pudding mix

A few drops green food coloring
12 small Tootsie Rolls or equivalent

SERVING "DISHES AND UTENSILS"

1 NEW cat-litter box
1 NEW cat-litter box liner
1 NEW pooper scooper

Prepare and bake cake mixes, according to directions, in any size pan. Prepare pudding and chill. Crumble cookies in small batches in blender or food processor. Add a few drops of green food coloring to 1 cup of cookie crumbs. Mix with a fork or shake in a jar. Set aside.

When cakes are at room temperature, crumble them into a large bowl. Toss with half of the remaining cookie crumbs and enough pudding to make the mixture moist but not soggy. Place liner in litter box and pour in mixture.

Unwrap 3 Tootsie Rolls and heat in a microwave until soft and pliable. Shape the blunt ends into slightly curved points. Repeat with three more rolls. Bury the rolls decoratively in the cake mixture. Sprinkle remaining white cookie crumbs over the mixture, then scatter green crumbs lightly over top.

Heat 5 more Tootsie Rolls until almost melted. Scrape them on top of the cake and sprinkle with crumbs from the litter box. Heat the remaining Tootsie Roll until pliable and hang it over the edge of the box. Place box on a sheet of newspaper and serve with scooper. Enjoy!

You about ready for today's history lesson?

• 532 - Nika riots in Constantinople.
• 1158 - Vladislav II becomes King of Bohemia.
• 1569 - First recorded lottery in England.
• 1571 - Austrian nobility is granted Freedom of religion.
• 1693 - Eruption of Mt. Etna.
• 1759 - In Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, the first American life insurance company is incorporated.
• 1787 - William Herschel discovers Titania and Oberon, two moons of Uranus.
• 1805 - Michigan Territory is created.
• 1861 - Alabama secedes from the United States.
• 1863 - American Civil War: Battle of Arkansas Post - General John McClernand and Admiral David Porter capture the Arkansas River for the Union.
• 1867 - Benito Juárez becomes Mexican president again.
• 1879 - Anglo-Zulu War begins.
• 1908 - Grand Canyon National Monument is created.
• 1919 - Romania annexes Transylvania.
• 1922 - First successful treatment with insulin against diabetes.
• 1923 - Troops from France and Belgium occupy the Ruhr area to force Germany to pay its reparation payments.
• 1935 - Amelia Earhart is the first woman to fly solo from Hawaii to California.
• 1938 - Frances Moulton is the first woman to become president of a US national bank.
• 1942 - Japan declares war on the Netherlands and invades the Netherlands East Indies.
• 1942 - The Japanese capture Kuala Lumpur.
• 1943 - The United States and United Kingdom give up territorial rights in China.
• 1946 - Enver Hoxha declares the people's republic of Albania with himself as dictator.
• 1949 - First recorded case of snowfall in Los Angeles, California.
• 1962 - Eruption of the volcano Huascaran in Peru; 4000 deaths.
• 1963 - The Whisky A Go-Go night club in Los Angeles, the first disco in the USA, is opened.
• 1964 - United States Surgeon General Luther Terry reports that smoking may be hazardous for one's health. First such statement from US government.
• 1972 - East Pakistan becomes Bangladesh.
• 1973 - Beginning of the Watergate burglars trial.
• 1980 - Nigel Short, 14 years old, is the youngest chess player to be awarded the degree of International Master.
• 1990 - Massive (300,000) demonstration in favor of Lithuanian independence.
• 1992 - Paul Simon is the first major artist to tour South Africa after the end of the cultural boycott .
• 1996 - Haiti becomes a member of the Berne Convention copyright treaty.

Birthdays:

• 1757 - Alexander Hamilton, first United States Secretary of the Treasury (d. 1804)
• 1757 - Samuel Bentham, mechanical engineer (d. 1831)
• 1800 - Nat Turner, American slave
• 1807 - Ezra Cornell, founder of Cornell University (d. 1874)
• 1815 - John A. Macdonald, first Prime Minister of Canada (d. 1891)
• 1856 - Christian Sinding, composer (d. 1941)
• 1858 - Harry Gordon Selfridge, founder of Selfridges (d. 1947)
• 1859 - George Nathaniel Curzon (Lord Curzon), British statesman (d. 1925)
• 1860 - Marie Bashkirtseff, artist (d. 1884)
• 1876 - Elmer Flick, baseball player (d. 1971)
• 1885 - Alice Paul, women's rights activist
• 1899 - Eva LeGallienne , actress (d. 1991)
• 1903 - Alan Paton, writer (d. 1988)
• 1906 - Albert Hofmann, chemist, discoverer of LSD effects
• 1923 - Jacqueline Maillan , French actress
• 1924 - Slim Harpo, musician (d. 1970)
• 1925 - Grant Tinker , television executive
• 1925 - William Styron, writer
• 1926 - Lev Demin, cosmonaut (d. 1998)
• 1928 - David L. Wolper , producer
• 1930 - Rod Taylor, Australian actor
• 1934 - Jean Chrétien, twentieth Prime Minister of Canada
• 1938 - Arthur Scargill British trade union leader.
• 1942 - Clarence Clemens , musician (E Street Band)
• 1943 - Jim Hightower, radio host, author
• 1944 - Shibu Soren, politician
• 1946 - Naomi Judd , country music singer
• 1947 - Bryan Robson, football player
• 1952 - Lee Ritenour , musician, composer
• 1952 - Ben Crenshaw , golfer
• 1960 - Stanley Tucci, actor
• 1963 - Dean Reynolds, English snooker player
• 1971 - Mary J. Blige, pop singer
• 1973 - Rahul Dravid, cricketer, India
• 1977 - Shomari Buchanan, wide receiver of the Corpus Christi Hammerheads from the IFL

Deaths:

• 314 - St. Miltiades, Pope
• 705 - John VI, Pope
• 1055 - Constantine IX Monomachos, emperor of the Byzantine Empire, (b. c. 1000)
• 1843 - Francis Scott Key, American lawyer who composed The Star-Spangled Banner
• 1857 - Eli Smith, Christian missionary and Bible translator (b. 1801)
• 1901 - Vasily Kalinnikov, composer
• 1928 - Thomas Hardy, writer (b. 1840)
• 1958 - Edna Purviance, actress (b. 1895)
• 1966 - Alberto Giacometti, Italian sculptor (b. 1901)
• 1966 - Hannes Kolehmainen, Finnish long-distance runner
• 1970 - Richmal Crompton, author (b. 1890)
• 1980 - Barbara Pym, novelist ([[b. 1913)
• 1983 - Shri Ghanshyam Das Birla, Indian industrialist, Gandhian and educationist, (b. 1894)
• 1988 - Pappy Boyington, aviator
• 2001 - Sir Denys Lasdun, architect (b. 1914)
• 2003 - Mickey Finn Drummer in T. Rex (band) You remember T. Rex... Bang a Gong.