I'll Never Learn

Ugg Boot

When will I ever learn to keep my mouth shut? Regardless of the supposed Freedom of Speech, which we all know isn't true, people, like me, should learn when to talk and when to shut up. I'm still learning this skill. Oh yes. It's a skill. Take the bigamy comment below. What the hell was I thinking? Sheesh!!!

In The News:
$1M gold tub stolen from hotel in Japan Seriously. Why would you put in a tub worth one million dollars?

German mistakes subway for underground car park

Police: Man stole 1,500 pairs of shoes Someone's gay. Speaking of gay...

Gay pub wins right to ban straights

Boy's balloon finds pen-pal: the Queen. That's it. I'm gonna let loose a bunch of baloons with note attached.

An argument over birthday balloons escalated into a fight that ended with one person in the hospital and two others facing criminal charges. C'mon now.

Wendy's manager shot over chili sauce. And I'll take one of those baloons too.

UFO buffs to offer 'proof' of aliens

STAPLES employees beaten by gang members over red uniform shirts...


Today in History:
1416 - The Council of Constance, called by the Emperor Sigismund, a supporter of Antipope John XXIII, burns Jerome of Prague following a trial for heresy. Antipope?

1431 - Hundred Years' War: In Rouen, France, 19-year-old Joan of Arc burned at the stake by an English-dominated tribunal. What's up with all of this burning crap? Crazy English.

1498 Columbus departs with 6 ships for 3rd trip to America. Columbus' point of interest map included Mt. Vernon, Statue of Liberty, worlds largest ball of twine, and Ripley's Believe It or Not Museum.

1536 - King Henry VIII of England marries Jane Seymour, a lady-in-waiting to his first two wives. She was not, however, bunred at the stake.

1539 - In Florida, Hernando de Soto lands at Tampa Bay with 600 soldiers with the goal of finding gold. Other side of the continent buddy. I wonder if he retired there?

1588 - The last ship of the Spanish Armada sets sail from Lisbon heading for the English Channel. So which channel is English? Is it 241 or 267? I can't remember.

1806 - Andrew Jackson kills Charles Dickinson in a duel after the man had accused Jackson's wife of bigamy. Bigamy - my girlfriend after eating years of my microwave pizzas.

1821 James Boyd patents Rubber Fire Hose. I hear he designed it to whip children with. Is that true?

1822 House slave betrays Denmark Vesey conspiracy (37 blacks hung). The way I hear it, all blacks are hung.

1842 John Francis attempts to assassinate Queen Victoria. John's just a big ole loser. He can't do anything right.

1848 México ratifies treaty giving US; New Mexico, California & parts of Nevada, Utah, Arizona & Colorado in return for $15 million.

1848 William G Young patents ice cream freezer. An invention I truely love. Used mine monday. Mmmmm homemade Cookies and Cream.

1868 - Decoration Day (the predecessor of the modern "Memorial Day") observed in the United States for the first time (By "Commander-in-chief of the Grand Army of the Republic" John A. Logan's proclaimation on May 5). 2 women in Columbus MS placed flowers on both Confederate & Union graves. This is true.

1872 Mahlon Loomis patents wireless telegraphy.

1879 - New York City's Gilmores Garden is renamed Madison Square Garden by William Henry Vanderbilt and is opened to the public at 26th Street and Madison Avenue. Gilmores Garden just doesn't have the same ring to it.

1879 - An F4 tornado strikes Irving, Kansas, killing 18 and injuring 60.

1883 - In New York City, a rumor that the Brooklyn Bridge is going to collapse causes a stampede which crushes twelve people. I love a good prank. (I know that was tastless to say)

1889 The brassiere is invented. You made my future a whole lot more perky, fun,... I meant fun.

1896 1st car accident occurs, Henry Wells hit a bicyclist (NYC). No way. I wonder if his insurance went up.

1908 Paris advocate E Archdeacon is 1st passenger in a airplane. I wonder if they gave him an extra bag of peanuts for that?

1911 - At the Indianapolis Motor Speedway, the first Indianapolis 500 ends with Ray Harroun becoming the first winner of the 500-mile auto race in his Marmon Wasp.

1914 - New & then largest Cunard ocean liner RMS Aquitania, 45,647 tons, sails on her maiden voyage from Liverpool, England to New York City.

1922 - In Washington, D.C., the Lincoln Memorial is dedicated.

1933 Patent on invisible glass installation. How do you install something that's invisible?

1935 - Babe Ruth plays in his last baseball game, in the uniform of the Boston Braves. (goes hitless for Braves against Phillies)

1941 - World War II: Manolis Glezos and Apostolos Santas climb on the athenian Acropolis, tear down the nazi swastika and replace it with the Greek flag. Crazy Nazis.

1942 - World War II: 1000 British bombers launch a 90-minute attack on Cologne, Germany.

1942 US aircraft carrier Yorktown leaves Pearl Harbor.

1946 United flight 521 crashes on takeoff at LaGuardia Airport (New York) 42 die

1948 - A dike along the flooding Columbia River breaks, obliterating Vanport, Oregon within minutes. Fifteen people die and tens of thousands are left homeless. hahahaha dike.

1958 - Memorial Day: The remains of two unidentified American servicemen, killed in action during World War II and the Korean War, are buried at the Tomb of the Unknowns in Arlington National Cemetery. According to the History Channel, thanks to DNA testing, it's now empty.

1964 Beatles' "Love Me Do" single goes #1. Rockin'

1964 Beatles 1961 record of "Cry for a Shadow" is #1 in Australia. Hmmm. Never heard that one.

1966 US launches Surveyor 1 to the Moon

1967 - At the Ascot Park in Gardena, California, daredevil Evel Knievel jumps his motorcycle over 16 cars lined-up in a row. Did he actually land it?

1968 Beatles begin work on their only double album "The Beatles".

1971 - Mariner program: Mariner 9 launched to Map 70% of the surface and study temporal changes in the atmosphere and surface of Mars.

1971 36 hospitalized during Grateful Dead concert; after drinking LSD apple juice. I told ya'll to be careful. Jim Jones is in the room. Did you listen? NOOOOOOO!!!

1975 Wings release "Venus & Mars" album

1987 West German Mathias Rust lands airplane on Red Square

1989 - Tiananmen Square protests of 1989: The 33-foot high "Goddess of Democracy" statue is unveiled in Tiananmen Square by student demonstrators.

1989 Margaret Ray pleads guilty to breaking into David Letterman's house. Aww c'mon leave Dave alone.

1992 New York Lotto pays $30 million to one winner (#s are 12-15-30-33-40-48). After taxes that amounts to $21.47.

1992 Paul Simon weds Edie Brickell. They did not win the lotter although I'm sure they got lucky.

1997 Betty Shabazz, widow of Malcolm X, set afire by 12 year old grandson. Okay that's it. I'm taking away your new flamethrower.

2003 - The final flight of an Air France Concorde.


Happy Birthday:
1672 (O.S.) - Peter the Great, Tsar of Russia (d. 1725)

1908 - Mel Blanc, American voice actor (d. 1989)

1909 - Benny Goodman, American clarinetist and bandleader (d. 1986)

1955 - Topper Headon, British musician (The Clash)

1964 - Wynonna Judd, American country music singer


Deaths on this Day:
1431 - Joan of Arc, French heroine and saint (burned at the stake) (b. 1412)

1778 - Voltaire, French philosopher and author (b. 1694)

1912 - Wilbur Wright, aviation pioneer (Wright Brothers) (b. 1867)

1939 - Floyd Roberts, Auto racer, killed during 1939 Indianapolis 500 (b. 1904)

1953 - Dooley Wilson, American musician and actor (b. 1886)

1993 - Sun Ra, American musician (b. 1914) hahahaha Sun Ra as in Sun Ray? hahaha

Designer Vagina

Ugg Boot

In The News:
One of the world's most prestigious health journals has lashed a fast-growing trend in the United States and Britain for "designer vaginas," the tabloid term for cosmetic surgery to the female genitalia. Excuse me, I'll take two of those please.

Man stays awake for record-breaking 11 days! I need a nap.

NY to get shoe store so big it has own ZIP code What?

Pickpocket steals police chief's wallet I bet his first thought was....Uh Oh!!!

Alleged robber asks teller to call cops Oh yeah, and I just stole this wallet here too.

U.S. Congressman chases down pick-pocket Where were you on that one chief?

A passenger plane was forced to land after flying into a swarm of bees, leaving hundreds of holidaymakers stranded.

An Australian movie fan on his way to pose for a Star Wars 30th anniversary photo shoot (dressed from head to toe as a stormtrooper) was arrested by police after his replica laser pistol was mistaken for a more earthly machine gun. Hehehehe You gotta watch those crazy stormtrooper guys.

Four people who tried to rob a Chinese food delivery driver left him an unusual tip: a cell phone. You might as well call jail and make reservations.

Customs officers at Cairo's airport on Thursday detained a man bound for Saudi Arabia who was trying to smuggle 700 live snakes on a plane. I bet he didn't see the movie.

A motel in northern Mexico is putting steel doors on its rooms to protect guests from kidnappings and shootings. Honey, get out our vacation planner. We gotta stay at this place. It's all safe and stuff.

A judge has ordered a 17-year-old to pay a $750 fine and perform 120 hours of community service for contaminating salad dressing with semen and returning it to a suburban Chicago high school's cafeteria. This salad dressing is awful.....salty, isn't it?

Doors exhibit opens at Rock Hall of Fame They have many doors for your viewing pleasure including french doors, sidlit doors, to screen doors.

The Osmonds will reunite this summer for a TV special celebrating a half-century in the entertainment business. Seven Osmond siblings — Alan, Wayne, Merrill, Jay, Donny, Marie and Jimmy — are scheduled to be onstage Aug. 13-14 at The Orleans Hotel Showroom. Who are the Osmonds? Oh yeah, the Donny and Marie affair. Weren't they brother/sister? Sweet.


Today in History:
0585 -BC- 1st known prediction of a solar eclipse

1420 - Henry the Navigator is appointed governor of the Order of Christ.

1521 - The Diet of Worms ends when Charles V, Holy Roman Emperor, issues the Edict of Worms, declaring Martin Luther an outlaw. They ate worms? Yuck!!!

1787 - In Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, delegates convene a Constitutional Convention to write a new Constitution for the United States. George Washington presides.

1865 - In Mobile, Alabama, 300 are killed when an ordnance depot explodes.

1887 Gas lamp at Paris Opera catches fire; 200 die

1895 - Playwright, poet and novelist Oscar Wilde is convicted of "committing acts of gross indecency with other male persons" and sentenced to serve two years in prison. He realy was Wilde wasn't he.

1922 Babe Ruth suspended 1 day & fined $200 for throwing dirt on an umpire

1925 - Scopes Trial: John T. Scopes is indicted for teaching Darwin's theory of evolution. Oh no!!! You can't teach things like that.

1927 Henry Ford stops producing Model T car (begins Model A)

1928 Amelia Earhart (as a passenger) is 1st woman to fly Atlantic Ocean

1935 - Babe Ruth hits his 714th and last home run at Forbes Field in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, setting a baseball record that will stand for 39 years. That's because he was the BABE

1937 1st airmail letter to circle the globe returns to New York

1940 - World War II: The Battle of Dunkirk begins.

1948 San Fransisco receives its 1st telecast

1953 - Nuclear testing: At the Nevada Test Site, the United States conducts its first and only nuclear artillery test.

1955 - In the United States, a night time F5 tornado strikes the small city of Udall, Kansas, killing 80 and injuring 273. It was the deadliest tornado to ever occur in the state and the 23rd deadliest in the U.S.

1961 - Apollo program: U.S. president John F. Kennedy announces before a special joint session of Congress his goal to initiate a project to put a "man on the moon" before the end of the decade.

1962 Isley Brothers release "Twist & Shout"

1967 John Lennon takes delivery of his psychedelic painted Rolls Royce

1968 Rolling Stones release "Jumping Jack Flash"

1977 - George Lucas' film Star Wars, is released, and becomes an instant hit. Did you know that George went to every studio and was turned down by all until he got to his last stop?

1977 "Beatles Live! At the Star-Club in Hamburg Germany" released

1979 - American Airlines Flight 191: In Chicago, a DC-10 crashes during takeoff at O'Hare International Airport killing 271 on board and two people on the ground.

1986 - Hands Across America, a benefit event, takes place.

2001 - 32-year-old Erik Weihenmayer, of Boulder, Colorado, becomes the first blind person to reach the summit of Mount Everest. Wait a minute. A blind man has beat me to the top?

2001 - 64-year-old Sherman Bull, of New Canaan, Connecticut, becomes the oldest person to reach the summit of Mount Everest. And...he hangs out with blind people. If you're reading this and you're blind, I didn't mean to offend. Also, if you're reading this and you're blind, please share your gift with the rest of the world. So why do drive up ATM's have instructions in Braille?

2002 - China Airlines Flight 611: A Boeing 747-200 breaks apart in mid-air and plunges into the Taiwan Strait killing 225 people.

2002 - A train crash in Tenga, Mozambique kills 197 people. I heard about a bad train crash once. Yeah, several people turned up pregnant.

2007 - Ostankino Tower in Moscow catches fire for a second time. Did you not read the sign? NO SMOKING!!!


Happy Birthday:
1606 - Charles Garnier, French Jesuit missionary (d. 1649)

1803 - Ralph Waldo Emerson, American essayist and philosopher (d. 1882) Wasn't he the guy that made vcr's cheap enough for everyone own?

1865 - John Mott, American YMCA leader, recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize (d. 1955) I thought the Village People wrote that song. Hmmm.

1878 - Bill "Bojangles" Robinson, African American entertainer (d. 1949)

1936 - Tom T. Hall, American singer and songwriter. He wrote hits such as: Harper Valley PTA, "A Week in the Country Jail", "Old Dogs, Children and Watermelon Wine", "I Love", "Country Is", "The Year Clayton Delaney Died", "I Like Beer", "Faster Horses (The Cowboy and the Poet)", and many others.

1944 - Frank Oz, English-born puppeteer and director. His characters have included Miss Piggy, Fozzie Bear, and Sam the Eagle on The Muppet Show, and Grover, Cookie Monster and Bert on Sesame Street, among many others. How about Yoda anyone? Oz had a great deal of creative input on the character, and was himself responsible for creating the character's trademark style of reversed grammar.

1948 - Klaus Meine, German musician (Scorpions) The Scorpions are German? I had no idea. Do you know the song "Wind of Change"? Very good one. It is the highest ever selling song in Germany.

Many listeners of the song who are not acquainted with Moscow are often confused by the meaning of the opening lines of the song, which are:

I follow the Moskva

Down to Gorky Park

Listening to the wind

of change

The Moskva is the name of the river that runs through Moscow, and Gorky Park is the name of an amusement park in Moscow.


1969 - Glen Drover, Canadian guitar player (Megadeth)

1970 - Jamie Kennedy, American actor B-Rad G from Maliboo


Deaths on this Day:
1935 - Sir Frank Watson Dyson, English astronomer (b. 1868) My last name is Dison. Somewhere in time some of the Dysons/Disons changed the spelling of the name. I haven't found where yet....but I will. Oh yes, I will.

1965 - Sonny Boy Williamson, American singer, songwriter, and musician (b. 1899)

1996 - Bradley Nowell, American singer and guitarist (Sublime) (b. 1968) That's what heroine will do for ya.

Two Heads Are Better Than One

Ugg Boot

In The News:
Castro says he's better, weight stable That's good to know.

Ban kept for gay men donating blood That is soooo gay!!!

Wealthy N.Y. couple charged with slavery I know a lot of people who should be charged with slavery. I'll not name any names.

Woman upbeat after internal decapitation Internal Decapitation!!!! Zoiks!!!!

Simon joins Garfunkel, Graceland choir in concert I like me some Simon and Garfunkel.

Ferlin Husky hospitalized in Missouri "On the wings of a Snow White Dove"

"Kazakh" reporter Borat pens book of travel advice I'll have to check that out. Borat, what a hilarious movie.

`Star Wars' fans get marathon screening 17 hours of Star Wars. Some even came in complete costumes. For example, Darth Vaders, Storm Troopers, etc. Imagine sitting in a plastic suit for 17 hours in a theater seat. Yowzers!!!

Wolfowitz's Girlfriend Resigns as Wolfowitz's Girlfriend Hahahahahahahahaha

Naked U.S. tourist shocks German city he thought this was acceptable behavior in Germany. Ooops!!

Man busted while drunk driving in wheelchair What about no license plate, no turn signals, no headlights, he may have been wearing a seatbelt though......

Police are asking Colorado women a rather delicate question: Are these your panties? As part of an investigation into widespread underwear theft, police have invited women to view photos of about 1,300 undergarments stolen from laundry rooms near Colorado State University. Can you try them on for me to make sure they fit. Let me see. Hmmm. Try these. hmmmm.

Video shows officer zapping man in groin LALAPALOOZA!!!!

Woman gives birth in car for second time Were they both conceived in cars as well? Points to ponder.

Man reunited with wallet after 37 years

A nine-year-old German girl was so upset about having to tidy her room she put up a sign in her window urging passers-by to call police for help. Hahahahaha. Germans are so funny. They don't care for nude tourists I hear.

Primitive fish already may have possessed the genetic wiring needed to grow hands and feet well before the appearance of the first animals with limbs roughly 365 million years ago, scientists said on Wednesday. Walking fish? Evolution? Could it be???

A captive shark gave "virgin" birth to a pup without the benefit of sperm, the first time such a case has been documented in a shark, U.S. and British researchers said on Wednesday.

N.J. woman, 60, gives birth to twin boys At 60, I just hope I'm able to...perform.

A man once called one of the Internet's most notorious pirates of music and movies was sentenced Wednesday to five years in prison for blowing up a portable toilet. What a load of crap.

A string of runaway rail cars spilled beer in downtown Denver Wednesday after they crashed into a parked locomotive and derailed. Plenty of volunteers were on hand to help with the clean up.

A pair of gay flamingos have adopted an abandoned chick, becoming parents after being together for six years, a British conservation organisation said Monday. Now I'm report on gay flamingos. That is sooooo straight.




Today in History:
1218 - The Fifth Crusade leaves Acre for Egypt.

1487 - Imposter Lambert Simnel is crowned as "King Edward VI" at Dublin. King Imposter?

1621 - Protestant Union formally dissolved.

1626 - Peter Minuit buys Manhattan. The whole thing? (from Indians for trinkets, valued at $24)

1738 - John Wesley is converted, essentially launching the Methodist movement; the day is celebrated annually by Methodists as Aldersgate Day.

1830 - Mary had a little lamb by Sarah Hale is published.

1830 - The first revenue trains in the United States begin service on the Baltimore and Ohio Rail Road between Baltimore and Ellicott's Mills.

1844 Samual FB Morse taps out "What hath God wrought" (1st telegraph message)

1856 - John Brown and his men murder five slavery supporters at Pottawatomie Creek, Kansas. Well, I'll be John Brown...

1862 Westminster Bridge across Thames opens

1883 - The Brooklyn Bridge in New York is opened to traffic after 14 years of construction.

1893 - The Niagara Falls Park and River Railway opens in Ontario. Been there, done that.

1899 - The first public parking garage in the United States is opened in Boston, Massachusetts.

1899 1st auto repair shop opens (Boston)

1911 - The New York Public Library opened. I know you really care.

1916 US pilot William Thaw shoots down a German Fokker. he he he said Fokker

1929 - The Cocoanuts, the first film to star the Marx Brothers, opens.

1931 1st air-conditioned train installed-B&O Railroad

1940 - Igor Sikorsky performs the first successful single-rotor helicopter flight. That rocks. Sikorsky is still a very strong company. Thank you history channel.

1941 - World War II: In the North Atlantic, the German Battleship Bismarck sinks the HMS Hood killing all but three crewmen on what was the pride of the Royal Navy. Wanna know more? Listen to the song "Sink the Bismark" by Johnny Horton. It'll save you some reading time....and it's a catchy toon. did I say toon? I meant tune. I just don't feel like backsapcing today.

1954 IBM announces vacuum tube "electronic" brain that could perform 10 million operations an hour. Dang!!!

1959 1st house with built-in bomb shelter exhibited (Pleasant Hills PA)

1961 - American civil rights movement: Freedom Riders are arrested in Jackson, Mississippi for "disturbing the peace" after disembarking from their bus. Disturbing the peace is one of the most vague of laws. Anything at all can be considered disturbing the peace.

1962 - Project Mercury: American astronaut Scott Carpenter orbits the Earth three times in the Aurora 7 space capsule.

1963 1st Lockheed A-12 to crash, CIA pilot Ken Collins ejects safely

1964 Beatles' 3rd appearance on Ed Sullivan

1968 Mick Jagger & Marianne Faithfull arrested for drug possession. C'mon. It was the 60's.

1969 Beatles' "Get Back" single goes #1 & stays #1 for 5 weeks

1970 Peter Queen quits Fleetwood Mac to join a religious cult. And that's what we refer to as a dumbass move.

1974 - After a nine-year run, The Dean Martin Show airs for the last time. Nooooo.

1985 "View to a Kill" premieres in US . Gotta love James Bond.

1986 Country Singer Garth Brooks marries Sandy Mahl. It'll last forever. Oh, hi Trisha.

1986 Reginald Huffstetler treds water for 985 hours. Why?


1988 John Moschitta set record for fast talking: 586 words per minute. I bet he'd be a good date for a lady. "I couldn't get a word in edgewise". What a strange saying. Edgewise.


1989 - Sonia Sutcliffe, wife of the Yorkshire Ripper, is awarded a six-figure sum in damages after winning a libel action against Private Eye. I bet she was the mastermind behind the whole thing.

1989 "Indiana Jones & the Last Crusade" premieres. One of my all time favorites. "We named the dog Indiana". "How did you know she was a Nazi?" "She talks in her sleep"

1989 Weird Al Yankovic records his UHF soundtrack. In one day?

1990 - A car carrying American Earth First! activists Judi Bari and Darryl Cherney explodes in Oakland, California, critically injuring both.

1993 - Microsoft unveils Windows NT.

1993 Kim Basinger files for bankruptcy to avoid paying $7.4 million settlement. Pretty and thrifty at the same time.

1994 - Four men convicted of bombing New York's World Trade Center in 1993 are each sentenced to 240 years in prison.

1994 Poison singer Bret Michaels gets into a car crash. I assume he's alright.

1996 "Spy Hard" starring Leslie Nielsen is released. Hehehehehehe good one here.

2001 - Mountain climbing: 15-year-old Sherpa Temba Tsheri becomes the youngest person to climb to the top of Mount Everest.

2001 - The Versailles wedding hall collapse in Jerusalem, Israel, kills 23 and injures over 200 in Israel's worst-ever civil disaster.



Happy Birthday:
15 BC - Julius Caesar Germanicus, Roman commander (d. 19)
1819 - Queen Victoria of the United Kingdom (d. 1901)
1879 - H. B. Reese, American inventor of Reese's and founder(d. 1956)
1938 - Tommy Chong, Canadian-born actor and comedian
1941 - Bob Dylan, American singer and songwriter
1944 - Patti LaBelle, American singer
1945 - Priscilla Presley, American actress. Wasn't she married to that guy??? Oh yeah ELVIS
1955 - Rosanne Cash, American singer
1956 - Michael Jackson, Northern Irish clergyman. he he he schamon
1965 - John C. Reilly, American actor


Deaths on this Day:
1543 - Nicolaus Copernicus, Polish astronomer,doctor,man of law (b. 1473)
1725 - Jonathan Wild, English criminal (b. 1683)
1974 - Duke Ellington, American composer and musician (b. 1899)
1991 - Gene Clark, American singer and songwriter (The Byrds) (b. 1944)

The Pardon

Ugg Boot

Yesterday was a fun day. For me it started at 3:30 a.m. We had to get into wardrobe, haircut, and makeup in a hurry. We filmed on "The Pardon". This was the fastest production I've been involved with. On a lot of films background actors do a lot of hurry up and wait. I seldom had time to sit down or to take the occasional picture. Here are some pictures of other background actors and some of the cars (I was more excited to see the cars than to be in the film)

Peyton Briscoe and I.











Marvin Greer and I












Ashley Parker and I








The beautiful old La Salle. I spoke with the car wrangler about the cars. He had to have 60 cars running and ready for this movie. What a task. They kept water jugs on the running boards hidden from the camera in case any of the cars overheated.




More movie cars:

People Are Strange

Ugg Boot

In The News:









The Empire Strike's Back. This was taken during a storm yesterday. The Empire State building is struck on average 100 times per year. YOUCH!!!

400-Pound Gorilla Injures 4 in Zoo in Brief Escape... "I saw the beast running through the park with a woman behind him, him grabbing her forearm," De Jonge said. So this animal that is kept in a cage for human pleasure finally manages to cross a moat (gorillas can't swim) scale a stone wall and escapes and is called a beast? Who is the beast here, the gorilla or the humans?

IMUS JOCKEYING RETURN TO AIR... "Ain't no nappy headed ho gonna keep me off da air"(not an Imus quote)

Daycare shut down after infants found crying in storage closet...

Mother holding 3 year old attacked by shark, beats it with camera... How ya like my Kodak bitch? (crash!!!) Smile for the camera! (crash)

General Lee back on the auction block After a nearly $10 million bid for a car made famous by "The Dukes of Hazzard" fell through, John Schneider learned his lesson: Sell only to pre-screened bidders. "I got ...mmmm 16 dollars and some change. I may be crazy but I aint' dumb".

Elizabeth Taylor will be allowed to keep a Van Gogh painting allegedly stolen from a Jewish woman by the Nazis after she fled Germany in 1939, a US appeals court ruled on Friday.

Alleged burglar leaves wallet at scene. Hey dumbass, next time leave your wallet at home.

Report: Thief caught while counting loot Hey dumbass #2, run you stupid turd!!! Don't worry if you drop your wallet, just get the hell outta there.

Confusing signs on the bathroom doors at McGuire's Irish Pub have played jokes on customers for years, sending women to the men's room and vice versa. But the father of a girl who was interrupted by a man in the women's room and Florida's Department of Business and Professional Regulation don't find the signs funny. How much money does he want? In the near future, everything that gives people a small ray of sunshine will be gone. Thanks for sucking all the fun out of life.






Today in History?
1498 - Vasco da Gama reaches the port of Calicut, India

1619 Hugo the Great sentenced to life in prison. He's Hugo "somebody's bitch" now.

1652 - Rhode Island passes the first law in North America making slavery illegal.

1804 - Napoleon Bonaparte is proclaimed Emperor of the French by the French Senate. But he's so short???

1852 Massachusetts rules all school-age children must attend school. Thank ya very much.

1860 Republican Party nominates Abraham Lincoln for president. Did you know he suffered from serious depression most of his life?

1876 - Wyatt Earp starts work in Dodge City, Kansas under Marshal Larry Deger.

1896 - Khodynka Tragedy: a mass panic on Khodynka Field during the festivities of the coronation of Russian Tsar Nicholas II resulted in the deaths of 1389 people.

1897 - Dracula, a novel by Irish author Bram Stoker is published. Perfect!!!!

1910 - Causing near panic, the Earth passes through the tail of Comet Halley. Nice tail ya got there!!!

1926 - Evangelist Aimee Semple McPherson disappears while visiting a Venice, California, beach. That's why evangelists shouldn't practice magic.

1927 - The Bath School Disaster: Forty-five people are killed by bombs planted by a disgruntled school-board member in Michigan.

1927 Grauman's Chinese Theater opens in Hollywood CA

1933 - New Deal: President Franklin Delano Roosevelt signs an act creating the Tennessee Valley Authority.

1934 Congress approves "Lindbergh Act", makes kidnapping a capital offense

1953 - Jackie Cochran becomes the first woman to break the sound barrier (she flew in a F-86 Sabrejet at an average speed of 652.337 miles per hour (1049.835 km/h) at Rogers Dry Lake, California). You rock Jackie. It took men 5 years less to break it. Hmmm Did you know that a crack of a whip is because the tip is actually breaking the sound barrier?

1958 - An F-104 Starfighter sets a world speed record of 1,404.19 mph (2,259.82 km/h). That's nothing. One time I was in my 72 ford and I went 77 miles and hour backwards, at night, without lights, with a flat, sober............... Dont' believe me? Okay, okay. So I wasn't sober.

1959 "Judy" by David Seville hits #86. You remember David Seville and the Chipmunks??? Same dude.

1964 David Frost interviews Paul McCartney on the BBC.

1965 Gene Roddenberry suggests 16 names including Kirk for Star Trek Captain

1969 - Project Apollo: Apollo 10 launched with astronauts Thomas Patten Stafford, Eugene Andrew Cernan, and John W. Young on board. Dress rehearsal flight for the moon landing missions that followed. I wanna visit the moon.

1971 Vampire rapist Wayne Bodens last victim found. I heard his favorite drink is a ............Bloody Mary.

1974 - Nuclear test: Under project Smiling Buddha, India successfully detonates its first nuclear weapon becoming the sixth nation to do so.

1974 "The Streak" by Ray Stevens hits #1. Fastest thang on two feet......

1974 - Completion of the Warsaw radio mast, the tallest construction ever built at the time. It later collapses on August 8, 1991.

1980 - 1980 Mount St. Helens eruption: Mount St. Helens erupts in Washington, killing 57 people and causing $3 billion in damage. It also interupted televisions everywhere. All three channels, Mount St. Helens, Mount St. Helens. BLAH!!!

1980 - Ian Curtis, Joy Division singer, commits suicide.

1985 "One Night In Bangkok" by Murray Head hits #3 .... makes a hard man humble....




Happy Birthday:)
1912 - Perry Como, American singer (d. 2001)
1920 - Pope John Paul II (d. 2005)
1942 - Albert Hammond, British musician and composer
1949 - Bill Wallace, Canadian musician (The Guess Who) No Sugar Tonight In My Coffee
1952 - George Strait, American musician. Give me a bottle of your very best....Name That Song. Trivia question #2: Which country music singer was set to record this song but wanted to give this newcomer a chance at it first? It was Georges first hit.
1955 - Chow Yun-Fat, Hong Kong actor


Deaths on this day:(
1781 - Túpac Amaru II, Peruvian Indian revolutionary, a descendant of the last Inca ruler, Túpac Amaru (b. 1742) Wasn't he shot by biggie?

1807 - John Douglas, Scottish Anglican bishop and man of letters (b. 1721) He preferred B's, R's and T's.

1808 - Elijah Craig, American minister and inventor (b. 1738?) Invented Bourbon Whiskey. Rock on pastor.

What's In A Name?

Ugg Boot

...and the Joke of the Day is:

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second mom, Ann: "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turned to the third mom, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too
shows itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy
by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, we're leaving."



In The News:
More than 800 Hong Kong residents have called on authorities to reclassify the Bible as "indecent" due to its sexual and violent content, following an uproar over a sex column in a university student journal. If you look at it that way, it really could be classified as indecent. Hmmm.

Street Lockdowns Proposed for Baltimore...

Porn star Jenna Jameson endorses Hillary... That's a good supporter to have Hillary. You just lost a lot of votes.

Speaking of ho's Paris Hilton's jail term cut to about 23 days. I feel better just knowing that.

R. Kelly compares himself to Muhammad Ali, Marvin Gaye, Bob Marley -- and even Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. -- in a magazine interview that hits the street just in time for the release of his new album this month. So who's R. Kelly? NOBODY!!!!

Hotel To Have 'Women Only' Floor... Why?

Wrongly jailed man gets $5 million... Good For Him!!!

Woman survives 'internal decapitation' Youch!!!!

Phil Spector, now on trial for murder, asserted in a 2005 home video interview that the statuesque Lana Clarkson was standing when a gun was fired in her mouth and that he is too short to have done it. I believe ole' Phil. Love the hair Phil.

A New York photographer has filed a lawsuit against actress Lindsay Lohan that claims she ran into him with her mother's BMW. C'mon Lindsay, get off the drugs. ....and stop dying your hair for goodness sakes.

Police: Motorcyclist led 150 mph chase But they had the cycle's license number and cited Ryan Lewis, 19, of Eugene after going to his home and finding the motorcycle hidden behind his house. Dumbass.

A man who claimed he was a werewolf when he broke into a woman's apartment has been sentenced to six months in jail.

Evonne D. Maurice apparently wanted to get away in style. The 22-year-old pleaded guilty Wednesday in federal court to trying to rob a bank at a drive-up window while traveling in a hired limousine. She really thought that one through.



Today in History: (I know most people skip over this part. You're missing out.)
0218 7th recorded perihelion passage of Halley's Comet

1521 - Edward Stafford, 3rd Duke of Buckingham, is executed for treason.

1536 Anne Boleyn's 4 "lovers" executed. Was sex with them that bad???

1620 1st merry-go-round seen at a fair (Philippapolis, Turkey). It was always there, it was just never seen until 1620.

1673 - Louis Joliet and Jacques Marquette begin exploring the Mississippi River.

1775 - American Revolutionary War: The Continental Congress bans trade with Canada.

1792 - The New York Stock Exchange is formed.

1803 John Hawkins & Richard French patent the Reaping Machine. "I've been reaped!!!" the crops screamed. "No!!!"

1804 Lewis & Clark begin exploration of the Louisiana Purchase

1845 Rubber band patents. Finally, something to shoot from my rubber band gun.

1846 Saxophone is patents by Antoine Joseph Sax. Finally, someone to shoot with my rubber band gun.

1849 - A fire threatens to burn St. Louis, Missouri, to the ground. "I'll do it!!! I'll burn you to the ground" said fire.

1877 Edwin T Holmes installs 1st telephone switchboard burglar alarm

1881 Revised version of New Testament

1883 Buffalo Bill Cody's 1st wild west show premieres in Omaha

1902 - Greek archaeologist Valerios Stais discovers the Antikythera mechanism, an ancient mechanical analog computer.

1909 White firemen on Georgia RR strike to protest hiring blacks

1916 British Summer Time (Daylight Savings), 1st introduced

1932 Congress changes the name "Porto Rico" to "Puerto Rico"

1944 General Eisenhower sets D-Day for June 5th

1960 1st atomic reactor system to be patented, JW Flora, Canoga Park CA

1961 Castro offers to exchange Bay of Pigs prisoners for 500 bulldozers. I've never heard that? What happened?

1963 US performs nuclear Test at Nevada Test Site

1967 Bob Dylan's 1965 UK Tour is released as the film "Don't Look Back". Isn't watching something that was previously filmed looking back?

1968 US performs nuclear Test at Nevada Test Site. They work already!!!

1969 - Venera program: Soviet Venera 6 begins its descent into the atmosphere of Venus, sending back atmospheric data before being crushed by pressure.

1970 - Thor Heyerdahl sets sail from Morocco on the papyrus boat Ra II to sail the Atlantic Ocean. Thor??? as in winged helmet wearing, sledge hammer carrying, ....Thor?

1971 Washington State bans sex discrimination. So, they'll have sex with anyone?

1973 - Watergate scandal: Hearings begin in the United States Senate and are televised.

1973 Angels outfielder Bobby Valentine breaks his leg trying to scale wall to prevent a Dick Green homerun during a 5-4 loss to the A's. He should've been watching the Watergat scandal on tv where it was safe. I guess we know what he was watching during his recovery.

1973 Stevie Wonder releases "You are the Sunshine of my Life"

1975 10cc releases "I'm Not in Love". Good song.

1975 Mick Jagger punches a restaurant window, gets 20 stitches. The windwo was no longer in pane........... Shoot me now.

1975 NBC paid $5 million for rights to show "Gone with the Wind" one time. They paid $5 million for a show that was 36 years old(1939)? I hope they made their money back.

1980 (Vivekananda Selva) Kumar Anandan sets record of balancing on 1 foot for 33 hours. Hmm. Why?

1980 Paul & Linda McCartney appear on Saturday Night Live. I can see it now. Everyone running around getting stuff ready and in the center of the stage is a flash and smoke. Holy cow! It's Paul and Linda. They look around confused. Linda scolds Paul for, once again, practicing magic from a childrens book. The last time he attempted magic, he disappeared from the Beatles.

1984 - Prince Charles calls a proposed addition to the National Gallery, London, a "monstrous carbuncle on the face of a much-loved and elegant friend," sparking controversies on the proper role of the Royal Family and the course of modern architecture.

1987 - An Iraqi fighter jet fires two missiles into the U.S. warship USS Stark (FFG-31), killing 37 and injuring 21 of her crew. The Iraqis have the ability of flight?

1989 Longest Cab Ride Ever: 14,000 miles cost $16,000! $1.14 per mile. Not bad.

1989 Vincent Van Gogh's "Portrait of Dr Gachet" auctioned for $825 million. Posters go on sale in the gift shop for $9.99. I saved $824,999,990 ang got the poster. SWWWWEEEEEET!!!

1990 Cheers' star Kelsey Grammer sentenced to jail for 30 days for DWI

1993 Intel's new Pentium processor is unveiled. It was then kissed by the groom.

1997 Sylvester Stallone weds Jennifer Flavin in London. You sly......dog you.

2004 - Massachusetts becomes the first state in the United States to legalize Same-sex marriage

2006 - The aircraft carrier USS Oriskany sunk in the Gulf of Mexico to be an artificial reef

2007 - Trains from North and South Korea cross the 38th Parallel in a test-run agreed by both governments. This is the first time that trains have crossed the Demilitarized Zone since 1953.




Happy Birthday:
1682 - Bartholomew Roberts, AKA Black Bart, notorious Welsh pirate (d. 1722)

1868 - Horace Elgin Dodge, American automobile manufacturer (d. 1920)

1936 - Dennis Hopper, American actor and director

1942 - Taj Mahal, American musician

1949 - Bill Bruford, English musician (Yes)

1955 - Bill Paxton, American actor and film director

1956 - Sugar Ray Leonard, American boxer

1956 - Bob Saget, American actor

1961 - Enya, Irish singer and songwriter

1965 - Trent Reznor, American singer (Nine Inch Nails)

1970 - Jordan Knight, American singer (New Kids on the Block)


Deaths on this Day:
1464 - Thomas de Ros, 10th Baron de Ros, English politician (executed) (b. 1427)

1829 - John Jay, first Chief Justice of the United States (b. 1745)

1886 - John Deere, American blacksmith and manufacturer (b. 1804)

1992 - Lawrence Welk, American musician (b. 1903)

2004 - Tony Randall, American actor (b. 1920)