Well, Damn!!!

Ugg Boot

It really sucks when things don't turn out the way you'd like. Oh, nevermind. Here's what happend this week in music history:

1967, Elvis Presley marries Priscilla Beaulieu at the Aladdin Hotel in Las Vegas, of course ... little Lisa Marie will join the family nine months later...

1969, Royal Canadian Mounted Police arrest Jimi Hendrix at Toronto International Airport for possession of heroin ... Hendrix is released on $10,000 bail and claims that the drugs were planted .. the charges will later be dropped...

1974, the #1 Billboard Pop Hit is "Loco-Motion" by Grand Funk Railroad ... the original 1962 version by Little Eva had also hit the top of the pops ... the song will hit pay dirt one more time when Kylie Minogue rides it to #3 in 1988...

1976, Bruce Springsteen is given the bum's rush by security guards when he's caught trying to scale the fence at Graceland...

1976, Paul McCartney returns to the stage in the U.S. for the first time in a decade as the "Wings Over America" tour takes flight in Ft. Worth, Texas...

1981, Ringo Starr marries actress Barbara Bach ... the two met and fell in love the year before while filming Caveman"...

1984, Mick Fleetwood files for bankruptcy...

1994, the historic San Francisco Fillmore reopens after 27 years ... performers at the show include American Music Club, Ry Cooder and David Lindley, and headliners Smashing Pumpkins ... promoters originally hoped to secure Neil Young or Bruce Springsteen for the opening, but settled on the Pumpkins as a last resort...

1995, Tupac Shakur marries girlfriend Keisha Morris while incarcerated at the Clinton Correctional Facility in Dannemora, New York ... the rapper is in jail on a felony sexual abuse conviction...

1998, somewhere between doing the splits and a backflip while onstage in Anchorage, Alaska, Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler injures his knee ... luckily for the Alaskan fans, the injury occurred during the last encore ... fans in other cities aren't as lucky, as the band must cancel the remaining 14 dates of its North American tour so Tyler can have surgery and recover...

1999, citing the lack of a strong enough lineup, organizers say Lollapalooza will not happen for the second consecutive year...

1999, at a Des Moines, Iowa, show, shock-rocker Marilyn Manson stalks off the stage upon noticing that someone has slapped a big yellow smiley face sticker on one of his props ... in the resulting melee, 23 are arrested...

1999, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers are honored with a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame...

2002, Suicidal Tendencies guitarist Mike Clark dislocates his shoulder in a motocross accident ... he will make a full recovery...

2002, Metallica resumes work on their eighth original album, St. Anger ... the rocky sessions, interrupted for guitarist-vocalist James Hetfield to enter rehab and for group therapy sessions with the band, are filmed by a documentary crew for the film Some Kind of Monster...

2002, Sharon Osbourne announces that her family will return for another season of their hit reality show The Osbournes on MTV ... the show, which chronicles the daily lives of Sharon, Ozzy, Jack, and Kelly, is the most successful for MTV in its 21-year history...

2003, on his official website, KISS bassist Gene Simmons blasts musicians and actors who have spoken out recently against the U.S. war in Iraq ... says Gene, "I don't think celebs make very much impact with the masses at all" ... this despite the fact that Simmons has used his site twice before to voice his support for the operation, going so far as to say," ...everyone who is marching today in a war protest can line up to my left to suck my b***s"...

2004, to celebrate the first anniversary of iTunes, Apple announces that the online music store will soon be featuring music videos and movie trailers ... users will also be able to play purchased songs on up to five different machines instead of the original limit of three ... the service sold over 70 million songs its debut year...

Intwesting!!!!

Ugg Boot

Scientists Say Everyone Can Read Minds

Hmm. That's interesting.

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?


Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on
luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!"

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask
where the bathroom is?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

What do you call male ballerinas?

Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?

If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in
your butt?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for
a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?

What a week this is turning into.

Ugg Boot

Wow! I just realized I've had over 10,000 hits on my site. If everyone that visited me gave me a dollar, I'd almost be a millionaire. Well a thousandaire. Other than that, this week is screwed up.

I had to buy a new bass guitar for my band. My other one was just worn out. After hours of searching only to find bass guitars that only had gig bags to go with them, which is gay, I finally find a good feeling bass and Surprise, it has a hard shell case. No offense gay people. bitches. The only thing is the bass was fretless. I figured, this will rock. I don't know if you've ever played a fretless bass before but it's a whole new experience. It did rock but was completely differnent than playing a fretted bass. After playing this bass for several hours with my band saturday night, I realized that a fretless bass wasn't for me. Monday morning I call the String Shop where I bought it and uneasily explained my situation. "No problem" they said. Bring it back and we'll find something you like better. I returned it explaining that I loved everything about the bass except the fretless neck. They didn't have that model with a fretted neck so they said, "why don't we order you one?". Wow!!! That's what I call a good guitar store. So now I'm gonna pimp them. I even added their phone number to my cell phone. Never know when that could come in handy. So if you're ever in need of any kind of musical instrument, book, case, shirt, or anything of that nature, contact The String Shop, 858 Benton Rd
Bossier City, LA 71111-3744
(318) 746-6417. See for yourself.

Then I got home. That went worse than desired. But that's another story, another time, another place.

I woke up, got ready for work, nothing spectacular there. I got to work to find the 18 wheeler I was expecting this morning already there and waiting. I opened the store but what's this? No power? Oh man.... Then, we unload my shipment of approx. 40 packages. The truck driver brought the packages to the back of the trailer and his wife checked them off as me and my boss brought them into our showroom. We get almost done and she says there should be two cabinets still on the trailer but the truck driver couldn't find them. Remember that I have to sign for everything received and if I sign for it, it's my responsibility if one is missing. I explain this to the drivers wife and assure her that it's nothing against her. Finally she sees my point. After looking at what she had checked off, I notice that she had no idea what she was doing. I went through each piece and found one missing cabinet. It's not too large. Only 3 feet wide, 2 feet deep, and 7 feet tall. It shouldn't be too hard to spot. Then I notice the shocked looks on both the driver and his wifes faces. "We dropped that cabinet off in Houma". Houma is about 5 hours south of here. I asked why they dropped it off there and they said that they thought it was mislabeled. Mislabeled? That's when they said that this was their first load for our company. Immediately I understood. They tried to blame the company where they left our cabinet saying that they signed for it. After talking to Houma and finding out that they are a brand new company and this was their first order, I began to see the light. As it turns out, the truck driver and his wife decided to drive back 10 hours out of their way to correct the problem, holding the other 14 deliveries up. And we all know time is money.

And my boss noticed a strange car parked in the woods behind our shop. Probably some hanky-panky going on there. What a crazy day. There's more but I won't bore you and frankly it's none of your business. hahahahahahaha.

We Are All From Mars!!!!

Ugg Boot

The Red Planet, or what us normal folk call Mars, is about to be spectacular! This month and next, Earth is
catching up with Mars in an encounter that will culminate in the closest
approach between the two planets in recorded history. The next time Mars may
come this close is in 2287. Due to the way Jupiter's gravity tugs on Mars
and perturbs its orbit, astronomers can only be certain that Mars has not
come this close to Earth in the Last 5,000 years, but it may be as long as
60,000 years before it happens again.

The encounter will culminate on August 27th when Mars comes to within
34,649,589 miles of Earth and will be
(next to the moon) the brightest object in the night sky. It will attain a
magnitude of -2.9 and will appear 25.11 arc seconds wide. At a modest
75-power magnification

Mars will look as large as the full moon to the naked eye. Mars will be easy
to spot. At the beginning of August it will rise in the east at 10p.m. and
reach its azimuth at about 3 a.m.

By the end of August when the two planets are closest, Mars will rise at
nightfall and reach its highest point in the sky at 12:30a.m. That's pretty
convenient to see something that no human being has seen in recorded
history. So, mark your calendar at the beginning of August to see Mars grow
progressively brighter and brighter throughout the month. Share this with
your children and grandchildren. NO ONE ALIVE TODAY WILL EVER SEE THIS AGAIN

Friday Rocks!!!!

Ugg Boot

Happy Birthday Peter Frampton (1950)!!!

This is the week that was in matters musical...

1934, Laurens Hammond patents the pipeless organ...

1956, Elvis Presley's first gig in Las Vegas is a bust ... the young rock 'n' roller is sent packing after the first week of what was to be a two-week engagement...

1957, RCA Records signs Harry Belafonte for the unprecedented sum of $1 million ... dubbed the "King of Calypso," the singer is from the Bronx...

1961, a raucous quartet of rockers makes its debut at Liverpool's Cavern Club ... it'll be another three years before the Beatles become a household name ... Bob Dylan earns $50 playing harmonica backup on a Harry Belafonte recording session...

1966, British proto-punks The Trogs release "Wild Thing" ... the song is later covered to spectacular effect by Jimi Hendrix...

1967, Janis Ian's single "Society's Child" languishes because of its controversial lyrics about an interracial relationship ... that changes when conductor Leonard Bernstein features the song on his CBS-TV special about pop music ... the record then climbs to #14 on the pop chart...

1969, John Winston Lennon changes his middle name to Ono...

1972, Elvis Presley's LP He Touched Me is released ... it reaches #79 on the Top 100 album chart ... no small feat for a gospel record...

1974, Pam Morrison, Jim Morrison's widow, succumbs to a heroin overdose...

1975, leader and chief songwriter of Badfinger, Pete Ham, who had just quit the band a week earlier and is despondent over his career, hangs himself in the garage/recording studio of his London home...

1976, it's been more than 10 years since Roy Orbison has had a hit when he plays before a crowd of less than 100 at the Van-a-Rama auto show in Cincinnati, Ohio ... adding to his misery, it's his birthday ... his glory days with the Traveling Willburys lie far ahead...

1978, Sid Vicious records his rendition of the crooners' staple "My Way" for the Sex Pistols' movie The Great Rock 'N' Roll Swindle ... there is no word from composer Paul Anka on the brutal treatment of his song...

1981, Carl Perkins, Johnny Cash, and Jerry Lee Lewis play a show in West Germany that's later released on the LP The Survivors...

1984, Jerry Lee Lewis gets hitched for the sixth time to 22-year-old Kerrie McCarver...

1990, Roger Waters' road crew discovers an unexploded WWII-era bomb while erecting the set for his Berlin "The Wall" concert...

1991, former Humble Pie and Faces guitarist Steve Marriott dies in his Essex, England, home from smoke inhalation caused by a fire touched off by an unattended cigarette...

1994, former Jefferson Airplane/Starship singer Grace Slick enters a guilty plea to the charge of menacing police officers with a shotgun ... the singer explains that she was under stress due to the recent loss of her Mill Valley, California, home in a fire during which she alleges memorabilia was stolen by Corte Madera firefighters...

1998, Faith No More announces that it is no more...

1999, merengue star Elvis Crespo cleans up at the Latin Music Awards with four trophies, tying Selena's record for the most wins at a single show ... that same week in a murder-suicide, Larry Troutman shoots his brother Roger to death in the alley behind their family-owned Dayton, Ohio, studio and then turns the gun on himself ... the two musicians along with brothers Lester and Terry had founded a funk band in the mid-1970s that evolved into Zapp ... the band scored a series of 1980s dance hits ... with their salad days far behind them, the brothers had argued about the direction of the family's struggling business affairs leading up to the shootings ... Irish singer and hellraiser Sinead O'Connor becomes the first female priest in the Latin Tridentine Church, a breakaway segment of the Roman Catholic church ... her priestly name will be Mother Bernadette Mary...

2000, Eric Clapton reunites with keyboard player Bobby Whitlock of Derek and the Dominos for a BBC appearance ... it's the first time the two have worked together in 29 years...

2001, Peter Buck runs amuck on a Seattle-to-London flight ... after quaffing 14 glasses of wine, the R.E.M guitarist overturns a food cart, mistakes a stranger for his wife, smashes crockery, and tussles with crew members ... in the ensuing British trial, Buck testifies that he has no memory of the events saying, "All I know is, I woke up and I am covered in cream"...

2002, Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes, the flamboyant member of hip-hop act TLC, is killed in Honduras when the rented SUV she is riding in flips...

2004, Billy Joel plows into a Long Island house while on a pizza run ... this is the third wreck in three years for the embarrassed piano man who sends the homeowner a note of apology and flowers...

Funnies

Ugg Boot

Quotes & Toasts of the Day - 'Great Business Insight' Quotes

"A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say
America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you
make."--Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies.

"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out."
--Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.

"The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn
better than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible."--A Yale University management
professor in response to Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable
overnight delivery service. (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.)

Did you know?

In George Washington's days, there were no cameras. One's image was either sculpted or painted. Some paintings of George Washington showed him standing behind a desk with one arm behind his back while others showed both legs and both arms. Prices charged by painters were not based on how many people were to be painted, but by how many limbs were to be painted. Arms and legs are "limbs," therefore painting them would cost the buyer more. Hence the expression. "Okay, but it'll cost you an arm and a leg."


As incredible as it sounds, men and women took baths only twice a year! (May and October) Women kept their hair covered, while men shaved their heads (because of lice and bugs) and wore wigs. Wealthy men could afford good wigs made from wool. The wigs couldn't be washed, so to clean them they could carve out a loaf of bread, put the wig in the shell, and bake it for 30 minutes. The heat would make the wig big and fluffy, hence the term "big wig." Today we often use the term "here comes the Big Wig" because someone appears to be or is powerful and wealthy.


In the late 1700s, many houses consisted of a large room with only one chair Commonly, a long wide board was folded down from the wall and used for dining. The "head of the household" always sat in the chair while everyone else ate sitting on the floor. Once in a while, a guest (who was almost always a man) would be invited to sit in this chair during a meal.

To sit in the chair meant you were important and in charge. Sitting in the chair, one was called the "chair man." Today in business we use the expression or title "Chairman or Chairman of the Board,"


Needless to say, personal hygiene left much room for improvement. As a result, many women and men had developed acne scars by adulthood. The women would spread bee's wax over their facial skin to smooth out their complexions. When they were speaking to each other, if a woman began to stare at another woman's face she was told "mind your own bee's wax." Should the woman smile, the wax would crack, hence the term "crack a smile." Also, when they sat too close to the fire, the wax would melt and therefore the expression "losing face."


Ladies wore corsets which would lace up in the front. A tightly tied lace was worn by a proper and dignified lady as in "straight laced."


Common entertainment included playing cards. However, there was a tax levied when purchasing playing cards but only applicable to the "ace of Spades." To avoid paying the tax, people would purchase 51 cards instead. Yet, since most games require 52 cards, these people were thought to be stupid or dumb because they weren't "playing with a full deck."


Early politicians required feedback from the public to determine what was considered important to the people. Since there were no telephones, TV's or radios, the politicians sent their assistants to local taverns, pubs, and bars who were told to "go sip some ale" and listen to people's conversations and political concerns. Many assistants were dispatched at different times. "You go sip here" and "You go sip there." The two words "go sip" were eventually combined when referring to the local opinion and, thus we have the term "gossip."


At local taverns, pubs, and bars, people drank from pint-and quart-sized containers. A bar maid's job was to keep an eye on the customers and keep the drinks coming. She had to pay close attention and remember who was drinking in "pints" and who was drinking in "quarts," hence the term "minding your 'P's and Q's,"


One more: bet you didn't know this!!!!

In the heyday of sailing ships, all war ships and many freighters carried iron cannons. Those cannons fired round iron cannon balls. It was necessary to keep a good supply near the cannon, but how to prevent them from rolling about the deck?

The best storage method devised was a square based pyramid with one ball on top, resting on four resting on nine, which rested on sixteen. Thus, a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon. There was only one problem...how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding or rolling from under the others.

The solution was a metal plate called a "Monkey" with 16 round indentations. But, if this plate were made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make "Brass Monkeys."

Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts much more and much faster than iron when chilled.

Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannon balls would come right off the monkey.

Thus, it was quite literally, "Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey". (And all this time, you thought that was an improper expression, didn't you?)


You must send this fabulous bit of historic knowledge to at least ten unsuspecting friends. If you don't, your floppy is going to fall off your hard drive and kill your mouse.

You know you need a new lawyer WHEN....


During your initial consultation, he tries to sell you Amway.

He tells you his last good case was a "Budweiser"

When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.

He picks the jury by playing "Duck-duck-goose"

During the trial, you catch him playing his Gameboy.

A prison guard is shaving your head..

Every couple of minutes, he yells "I call Jack Daniels to the stand!" and downs a shot.

He frequently gives juror number 4 the finger.

He places a large "NO REFUNDS" sign on the defense table.

He begins his closing with "As Ally McBeal once said..."

Just before he says "Your Honor", he makes little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.

The sign in front of his office reads "Practicing law since 2:30pm".

Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge "Whatever."

He giggles every time he hears the word "briefs".


YOU KNOW YOU'RE GETTING 'MARVELOUSLY MATURE'
WHEN..........…

1. You and your teeth don't sleep together.
2. Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and
discover you aren't wearing any.
3. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and
you're not eating cereal.
4. Your back goes out but you stay home.
5. When you wake up looking like your driver's license
picture.
6. It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
7. When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
8. When happy hour is a nap.
9. When you're on vacation and your energy runs out before
your money does..
10. When you say something to your kids that your mother said
to you and you always hated it.
11. When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded
of your age.
12. When you step off a curb and look down one more time to
make sure the street is still there.
13. Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
14. It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
15. Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.
16. Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.
17. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
18. The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
19. Getting "lucky" means you found your car in the parking
lot.
20. The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection from the
sun on your bifocals.
21. It takes twice as long - to look half as good.
22. Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt - doesn't work.
23. You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were
on your head the whole time.
24. You sink your teeth into a steak - and they stay there.
25. You give up all your bad habits and still don't feel
good.
26. You have more patience, but it is actually that you just
don't care anymore.
27. You finally get your head together and your body starts
falling apart.
28. You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't
even remember being on top of it.

Strange Facts about Farts.

James Burton Rocks!!!!!!!

Ugg Boot

Guess what I just found out!!!! Well, I'll tell you the story. James Burton, best known as Elvis' guitarist, is hosting the James Burton 2005 Internation Guitar Festival in Shreveport, La. on August 19,20,21. August 20th is the "Blowout Under the Bridge" blockstyle Louisiana party sponsored by the Guitar fest. Guess what band is playing the Blowout? Extreme Caution? Why, that's the band I'm in. You got that right. Here's the best part. James Burton is going to play a few songs with the band I'm in. Our manager told me about that and it didn't sink in really. To some people, this may not be a big deal. But it's freakin' James Burton. Mr. Burton ranks #20 on Rolling Stone's 100 Greatest Guitarists. Higher on the list is Jimi Hendrix, Jimmy Page, Eric Clapton, Keith Richards, and Kurt Cobain. Cobain? So, the list isn't perfect but you get the point. Pete Townshend of The Who said in an interview, "James Burton is the most important American guitarist" according to Rod on the Natchitoches radio station KZBL.

Today is Bicycle Day

Ugg Boot

I woke up this morning with a song in my head. What was it? It was Tchaikovsky's 1812 overture. That is sooooo beautiful. If you've never heard it, get it. I know, I know, most people find classical music boring. However, listen to Metallica, well, when Meatllica was good then listen to classical. It's the same thing with distortion. A true work of art. It helps to understand what the song means. Just listening to this masterpiece isn't enough. You have to know what all of the different parts mean. Please do your self a favor and read about it. It's about Peace, War, Winning, and Losing. I listened to this for years and didn't know what it meant. Now it makes sense.


Top 10 reasons to go to work naked.

1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00AM!"

2. You can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.

3. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."

4. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.

5. You want to see if it's like the dream!

6. So that, with a little help from Muzak you can add "Exotic Dancer" to your exaggerated resume.me.

7. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.

8. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.

9. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.

10. No one steals your chair!2. Y
10. No one steals your chair!ss is
. No one steals your chair!
Todays history:

• 1012 - Martyrdom of St Alphege in Greenwich, London.
• 1529 - At the Diet of Speyer a group of rulers (German: Fürst) and independent cities (German: Reichsstadt ) protested the reinstatement of the Edict of Worms. This movement was later called Protestantism.
• 1539 - The Treaty of Frankfurt is signed.
• 1587 - Sir Francis Drake sinks the Spanish fleet in Cadiz Harbor.
• 1713 - Pragmatic Sanction was signed.
• 1770 - Captain James Cook first spots Australia.
• 1775 - American Revolutionary War: The Battle of Lexington and Concord - British General Thomas Gage attempts to confiscate American colonists' firearms. The British are driven back to Boston, Massachusetts. The American Revolutionary War begins.
• 1809 - Battle of Raszyn happenned between armies of Austria (attackers) and Duchy of Warsaw (defenders) as a part of struggles of the Fifth Coalition (1809). Austrian army was defeated.
• 1810 - Venezuela achieves home rule: Emparan, Governor of the Captaincy General is removed by the people of Caracas and a Junta is installed.
• 1839 - The Treaty of London establishes Belgium as a kingdom.
• 1861 - American Civil War: A pro-Secession mob in Baltimore, Maryland attacks United States Army troops marching through the city.
• 1892 - Charles Duryea claims to have driven the first automobile in the United States, in Springfield, Massachusetts.
• 1904 - Much of Toronto, Ontario, Canada is destroyed by fire.
• 1909 - Joan of Arc is declared a saint.
• 1919 - Leslie Irvin of the United States makes the first successful parachute jump and free fall.
• 1927 - Mae West is sentenced to 10 days in jail for Censored page for her play Censored page.
• 1928 - The final volume of the Oxford English Dictionary is published.
• 1933 - President Franklin Delano Roosevelt announces that the United States will be leaving the gold standard.
• 1934 - Shirley Temple debuts in Stand Up and Cheer .
• 1938 - RCA-NBC begins regular television broadcasts.
• 1943 - World War II: German troops enter the Warsaw ghetto to round up the remaining Jews, starting the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising.
• 1943 - Bicycle Day - Swiss chemist Dr. Albert Hofmann deliberately takes LSD for the first time.
• 1951 - General Douglas MacArthur retires from the military.
• 1956 - Actress Grace Kelly marries Rainier III of Monaco.
• 1960 - The students in South Korea made a nationwide pro-democracy protest against their president Syngman Rhee, which eventually made him to resign.
• 1961 - The Bay of Pigs invasion of Cuba ends in failure.
• 1964 - The Ford Mustang is introduced to the general public.
• 1971 - Sierra Leone becomes a republic.
• 1971 - Vietnam War: Vietnam Veterans Against the War begin a five-day demonstration in Washington, DC.
• 1971 - Charles Manson is sentenced to life in prison for the Sharon Tate murders.
• 1971 - Launch of Salyut 1, first human-made space station.
• 1978 - Lagumot Harris is elected President of Nauru.
• 1987 - The Simpsons make their first appearance on television, on The Tracey Ullman Show, in the short episode called "Good Night".
• 1989 - A gun turret explodes on the USS Iowa, killing 47 sailors.
• 1989 - Trisha Meili, the "Central Park Jogger" is raped.
• 1993 - The 50-day siege of the Branch Davidian complex outside Waco, Texas ends when a fire breaks out. Eighty-one people die.
• 1995 - Oklahoma City bombing: The Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma is bombed, killing 168.
• 1999 - The German Parliament returns to Berlin.
• 2000 - An Air Philippines Boeing 737-200 crashes nearby Davao airport killing 131.

Holidays:

• Patriots' Day (Massachusetts)
• Declaration of Independence Day (Venezuela)
• Republic Day (Sierra Leone)
• Landing of the 33 (Uruguay)
• Primrose Day (England) - primroses are placed on the statue of Benjamin Disraeli in Parliament Square, London on the anniversary of his death (1881). Primroses were his favourite flower.
• The Roman holiday of Cerealia ends. (Roman Empire)
• Bicycle Day
• Easter Sunday 1908, 1981, 1987, 1992. In the Gregorian Calendar Easter Sunday falls on 19th April more often than any other date.

Births:

• 1320 - King Peter I of Portugal (d. 1367)
• 1721 - Roger Sherman, signer of the Declaration of Independence (d. 1793)
• 1721 - Thomas McKean, signer of the Declaration of Independence (d. 1817)
• 1772 - David Ricardo, economist (d. 1823)
• 1883 - Richard von Mises, mathematician (d. 1953)
• 1892 - Germaine Tailleferre, composer (d. 1983)
• 1897 - Constance Talmadge , actress (d. 1973)
• 1900 - Richard Hughes, novelist (d. 1976)
• 1903 - Eliot Ness (d. 1957)
• 1912 - Glenn Seaborg (d. 1999)
• 1928 - Alexis Korner, rock musician (d. 1984)
• 1930 - Dick Sargent, actor (d. 1994)
• 1933 - Jayne Mansfield, actress (d. 1967)
• 1933 - Dickie Bird, cricket umpire
• 1935 - Dudley Moore, actor, musician, comedian, composer (d. 2002)
• 1942 - Frank Elstner , television producer
• 1944 - Bernie Worrell, keyboardist (originally with P Funk)
• 1946 - Tim Curry, actor
• 1949 - Paloma Picasso , painter
• 1952 - Alexis Arguello, boxer
• 1953 - Ruby Wax, television personality
• 1962 - Al Unser, Jr., automobile racer, two-time Indianapolis 500 winner
• 1964 - Paolo Martinotti , genio incompreso, estroso personaggio
• 1965 - Suge Knight, record producer
• 1967 - Steven H Silver, science fiction editor
• 1968 - Ashley Judd, actress
• 1970 - Kelly Holmes, Olympian,double gold medalist
• 1979 - Kate Hudson, actress (Almost Famous, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days)
• 1981 - Hayden Christensen, actor
• 1987 - Maria Sharapova, tennis player

Deaths:

• 1054 - Pope Leo IX (b. 1002)
• 1390 - King Robert II of Scotland (b. 1316)
• 1632 - Sigismund, king of Sweden and the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth (b. 1561)
• 1689 - Queen Christina of Sweden (b. 1626)
• 1813 - Benjamin Rush, physician, activist (b. 1745)
• 1824 - George Gordon Byron, 6th Baron Byron, author, poet (b. 1788)
• 1881 - Benjamin Disraeli, former Prime Minister of the United Kingdom (b. 1804)
• 1882 - Charles Darwin, biologist, author (b. 1809)
• 1906 - Pierre Curie, physicist (b. 1859)
• 1914 - Charles Sanders Peirce, pragmatic semiologist (b. 1839)
• 1930 - Georges-Casimir Dessaulles, Canadian Senator (b. 1827)
• 1937 - William Martin Conway, British art critic and mountaineer (b. 1856)
• 1949 - Ulrich Salchow, Swedish figure skater (b. 1877)
• 1958 - Robert Bentley, humorist, actor
• 1967 - Konrad Adenauer, former Bundeskanzler of West Germany (b. 1876)
• 1971 - Earl Thomson, Canadian athlete (b. 1895)
• 1974 - Ayub Khan, former President of Pakistan (b. 1907)
• 1975 - Percy L. Julian, chemist (b. 1899)
• 1987 - Maxwell Taylor, general (b. 1901)
• 1989 - Daphne du Maurier, author (b. 1907)
• 1992 - Frankie Howerd, comedian, actor (b. 1917)
• 1993 - David Koresh, cult leader (b. 1959)
• 1998 - Octavio Paz, writer, diplomat (b. 1914)

Get Ready, Get Set, GO!!!!!

Ugg Boot

Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith comes out May 19th.

Drinkin's bad mmmkay. Did you know that Too Much Water May Be Deadly for Athletes. Crazy.

The birth of the clone of a castrated horse was to be announced in France and Italy by the genetic engineering laboratories Cryozootech of Evry, France, and LTR-CIZ of Cremona, Italy. What have we done?

Indian police have charged 80 people for burying children alive in an ancient Hindu ceremony known as "the festival of pits." Isn't that the pits.

Larry Hoffman brought home a bargain shirt from the Goodwill store — only to find $2,000 in cash stuffed in a pocket. He returned the money. Is that crazy or what?

A tornado that ripped through Geoffrey Crook's home didn't just tear away his roof. Authorities say it exposed his elaborate marijuana-growing operation. You'll remember that a few years ago in the same town, George Wilson studied uses of the marijuana plant and pressed it into sheets like plywood and built a small 2 bedroom prototype house. It worked so well that he moved in to show people. The house caught on fire during an electrical storm. The fire department responded to the burning house and entered the house to find Mr. Wilson casually sitting in his favorite chair. "Your house is on fire!!!" they yelled. Mr. Wilson calmly replied "far out".

Thailand to Host World Toilet Summit. No shit?

A South African zoo is trying to persuade its star chimpanzee to kick a bad smoking habit. Awww, c'mon now.

Crazy Rednecks

Ugg Boot

Q: What has 132 legs and 8 teeth?
A: The front row of a Garth Brooks concert!

40 Things Never Said By Red Necks
40. Oh I just couldn't. Hell, she's only sixteen.
39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
38. Duct tape won't fix that.
37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.
36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
35. We don't keep firearms in this house.
34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
33. You can't feed that to the dog.
32. I thought Graceland was tacky.
31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
30. Wrasslin's fake.
29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
28. We're vegetarians.
27. Do you think my gut is too big?
26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
25. Honey, we don't need another dog.
24. Who's Richard Petty?
23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
21. Spittin is such a nasty habit.
20. I just couldn't find a thing at Walmart today.
19. Trim the fat off that steak.
18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
17. The tires on that truck are too big.
16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
15. I've got it all on the C drive.
14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
13. Would you like your salmon poached or broiled?
12. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
09. Checkmate.
08. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
07. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
06. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
05. I don't have a favorite college team.
04. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
03. I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
02. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
01. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin tonight.
Q: What do you call a bunch of tractors parked in front of a McDonalds
on Friday night in Arkansas?
A: Prom.

How do you know that the toothbrush was invented by a redneck? If it
was invented by anyone else they would have called it a "teethbrush".
Why are there no fertility clinics in Arkansas?
They would just tell the women to try another brother.
What does a redneck say before he gets injured? “Watch this!”
This guy walks into a bar down in Alabama and orderes a mudslide. The
bartender looks at the man and says "You're not from round here are ya?"
"No" replied the man, "I'm from Pensylvania." The bartender looks at
him and syas "Well what do you do in Pensylvania?" "I'm a taxidermist."
said the man. The bartender, looking very bewildered, now asked "What in
the world is a tax-e-derm-ist?" The man looked at the bar tender and
said "Well, I mount dead animals." The bartender stands back and hollers
to the whole bar which is staring at him "It's okay, boys! He's one of
us!"
There was a Kentucky redneck and an Ohio buckeye, fishing on their
respective sides of the Ohio river. Just as soon as the buckeye put his
line in the water, he slung a fish onto the bank, and the redneck was
catching nothing, so he yelled across to thebuckeye, ''Buddy, I'd sure like
to be on your side of the river!''
''Aight, tell ya whut, I'll shine my flashlight 'cross this river, and
you can walk across this little beam of light!'' the buckeye yelled
back.
The buckeye replied, ''Hain't no way, buddy. I know you think I'm a
fool! When I get halfway 'cross, you'll turn your flashlight off!''
You might be a redneck if you mow your grass and find three cars.
You might be a redneck if you think the first four words of the
national anthem are, ''Gentlemen start your engines''.

A redneck boy runs into his house and proclaims, "I've found the girl
that I'm gonna marry! And she's a virgin!" Incensed, his father pounds
his fist on the table.
"There's no way you'll marry that girl! If she aint' good enough for
her own family, she ain't good enough for ours."
A few clues to being a true Louisianan:
1.Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on
the highway.
.2. "Vacation" means going to the family reunion. .
3. You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.
4. You measure distance in minutes.
5. You know several people who have hit a deer.
6. Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
7. Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
8. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
9. You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."
10. Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.
11. You see people wearing bib overalls at funerals.
12. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one
in it, no matter what time of the year.
13. You use "fix" as a verb. Example: I am fixing to go to the store.
14. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit,
vegetable, grain, or animal.
15. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both
unlocked.
16. You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and
Jell-O salad with marshmallows.
17. You carry jumper cables in your car.
18. You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" are.
19. You only own four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
20. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.
21. You think sexy lingerie is a tee shirt and boxer shorts.
22. The local paper covers national and international news on one page
but requires 6 pages for sports.
23. You think that deer season is a national holiday.
24. You find 90 degrees F "a little warm."
25. You know all 4 seasons: Almost summer, summer, Still summer, and
Christmas.
26. You know if another Louisianan is from southern, middle, or
northern Louisiana as soon as they open their mouth.
27. There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of 1000 or
more.
28. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good gumbo
weather.

Who the hell is Yorgos Panayiotou???

Ugg Boot

Here are some interesting facts (thanks Amy):

• Men are like snowstorms. You never know when he’s coming, how many inches you’ll get or how long he will last.
  
  
• Memory is like an orgasm. It is a lot better if you don’t have to fake it.
  
  
• The function of a muscle is to pull and not push, except in the case of the genitals and the tongue. -Leonardo Da Vinci
  
  
• Sex is like a bridge game; if you don’t have a good partner, you better have a good hand.
  
  
• The good thing about masturbation is that you don’t have to dress up for it. -Truman Capote
  
  
• It was at the end of my freshman year of high school - and freshman year of masturbating - that I discovered on the underside of my penis, just where the shaft meets the head, a little discolored dot that has since been diagnosed as a freckle. Cancer. I had given myself cancer. All that pulling and tugging at my own flesh, all that friction, had given me an incurable disease. And not yet fourteen In bed at night the tears rolled from my eyes. ‘No ’ I sobbed. ‘I don’t want to die Please - no ’ But then, because I would very shortly be a corpse anyway, I went ahead as usual and jerked off into my sock. -Philip Roth
  
  
• It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married. -George Burns
  
  
• I got my sex drive last month. It came with my computer.
  
  
• Kinky is using a feather - perverted is using the whole chicken.

• In the 1700's Swiss physician S. Tissot claimed that masturbation was an illness that led to insanity, a number of other serious illnesses, and even death.
• Approximately 50% of people feel guilty after they masturbate.
  
• Studies have shown that, contrary to myth, regular acts of masturbation will not cause blindness.

In 1977, D’Augelli and D’Augelli used the following framework to describe the various sexual philosophies among unmarried people. Which one are you?

• inexperienced virgins - “are individuals who have had little dating experience until college and usually have not thought much about sex
  
• adamant virgins - are people who firmly believe that intercourse before marriage is improper (and often have a strong religious basis for this belief)
  
• potential nonvirgins - are individuals who have not yet found the right partner or the right situation for coital sex and often seem to have a high fear of pregnancy
  
• engaged nonvirgins - are those whose coital experience has usually been only with one partner (typically someone they love or care deeply about) and only in the context of a committed relationship
  
• liberated nonvirgins - are people who have more permissive attitudes toward premarital intercourse and value the physical pleasures of coitus without demanding love as a justification
  
• confused nonvirgins - are those who ‘engage in sex without real understanding for the motivation, the place of sex in their lives, or its effects on them.’

This week in music...

1943, LSD is synthesized for the first time by Albert Hofmann ... more than two decades later the psychoactive substance fuels a revolution in consciousness, music, and pop culture...

1956, Rock 'n Roll Dance Party debuts on the CBS Radio Network ... hosted by DJ Alan Freed, it's the first regularly scheduled and nationally aired rock 'n' roll show...

1956, later to become known as Soul Brother Number One, Mr. Dynamite himself, and the hardest-working man in show business, James Brown charts for the first time with "Please, Please, Please"...

1961, Bob Dylan makes his professional singing debut in Greenwich Village at Gerde's Folk City opening for John Lee Hooker ... he performs "House of the Rising Sun" and "Song to Woody" ... Joan Baez joins him for the second number...

1962, Pravda, the official Russian newspaper, warns youths about the dangers of twisting...

1964, The Beatles occupy a record-breaking 14 spots on the U.S. charts ranging from #1 down to #81..."Can't Buy Me Love" (1), "Twist and Shout" (2), "She Loves You" (4), "I Want to Hold Your Hand" (7), "Please Please Me" (9), "Do You Want to Know a Secret" (14), "I Saw Her Standing There" (38), "You Can't Do That" (48), "All My Loving" (50), "From Me to You" (52), "Thank You Girl" (61), "There's a Place" (74), "Roll Over Beethoven" (78), and "Love Me Do" (81)...

1967, proving that capitalists will always be hot on the heels of revolutionaries, Grayline begins busing people through the Haight-Ashbury district of San Francisco on a guided tour of Hippyland...

1968, Pink Floyd cofounder Syd Barrett leaves the band ... Barrett's mental instability, exacerbated by heavy drug use, has become so severe he can no longer function...

1968, Frank Zappa and The Mothers of Invention perform at the National Academy of Arts and Sciences Dinner in New York ... Zappa makes some cutting remarks, terming the event, "a load of pompous hokum ... All year long you people have manufactured this crap, now for one night you're gonna have to listen to it!"...recalling the event later, Zappa says, "We played the ugliest sh*t we could...that's what they expected us to play"...

1971, Chicago plays Carnegie Hall in New York City ... they are the first rock group to do so...

1973, Journey Through The Past premieres at the U.S. Film Festival in Dallas...the film is an autobiographical documentary by Neil Young, consisting mainly of footage and images captured throughout his career...Young sketchily describes it as "a collection of thoughts. Every scene meant something to me--although with some of them I can't say what"...

1977, The Damned are the first British punk band to play at CBGB...

1981, Sam Goody, the nation's leading music retailer, is convicted of selling pirated tapes through its stores...

1983, U.S. Interior Secretary James Watt bans the Beach Boys from performing at the 4th of July celebration on the Washington Mall ... the overly zealous conservative offers the rationale that rock 'n' roll bands attract the wrong element ... two days later President Reagan overturns the goofball decision and personally invites the Beach Boys to perform...

1994, In Utero, Nirvana's third full-length album, is certified double-platinum ... just three days after Kurt Cobain's body is discovered at his home in Seattle ... the 27-year-old musician died from a shotgun blast to the head ... whether the fatal wound was self-inflicted or not is debated among the media and the band's fan base ... the hardest evidence to refute such contentions is the suicide note found beside his body which quotes the lyric from the Neil Young song My, My, Hey, Hey: "it's better to burn out than to fade away"...

1997, those crazy, pop-music lovin' Dutch ... the University of Amsterdam offers a course titled Madonna 101 ... about 50 students sign up for a class examining the pop star's music and (yecch) films ... the for-credit course also examines Madonna's persona as a sex symbol, her religious beliefs, and her impact as a media presence ... the debut lecture is attended by Dutch television crews ... oh well--even if the lecture sucks at least you can dance to it...

1997, A&M Records issues a press release stating that Soundgarden has chosen to "disband to pursue other interests" ... the president of A&M, Al Cafaro, gives the band this send off: "Throughout the flash, hype and turmoil, as this scene conquered the musical world, Soundgarden handled themselves with intelligence, integrity and nobility. They were able to present their music and their world view with passion and honesty." ... 'nuff said...

1998, singer George Michael is arrested in the bathroom of a Beverly Hills park ... the ex-Wham! star is booked on suspicion of misdemeanor lewd conduct ... at first he gives officers his real name, Yorgos Panayiotou, but later cops to being the pop star ... he is released later the same day after posting $500 bail...

2000, Metallica files suit against Napster, USC, Yale, and Indiana University alleging the institutions are guilty of copyright infringement, unlawful use of a digital audio interface device, and violations of the Racketeering Influenced & Corrupt Organizations Act (RICO) ... the charges against USC, Yale, and Indiana University are dropped when the schools remove Napster from their file servers ... rapper and producer Dr. Dre joins the legal action against the software company at a later date ... after a year-long court battle, Napster settles for an undisclosed amount of money ... however, the court ruling by U.S. District Judge Marilyn Patel shuts down the software maker's servers indefinitely, effectively killing Napster downloads...

2002, Eminem agrees to pay $100,000 to John Guerra in a settlement resulting from a civil lawsuit ... the suit claims that Eminem attacked Guerra, hitting him in the face and head with a handgun ... the alleged attack was allegedly punishment for Guerra having allegedly kissed Eminem's wife, Kim...