Two Heads Are Better Than One

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In The News:
Castro says he's better, weight stable That's good to know.

Ban kept for gay men donating blood That is soooo gay!!!

Wealthy N.Y. couple charged with slavery I know a lot of people who should be charged with slavery. I'll not name any names.

Woman upbeat after internal decapitation Internal Decapitation!!!! Zoiks!!!!

Simon joins Garfunkel, Graceland choir in concert I like me some Simon and Garfunkel.

Ferlin Husky hospitalized in Missouri "On the wings of a Snow White Dove"

"Kazakh" reporter Borat pens book of travel advice I'll have to check that out. Borat, what a hilarious movie.

`Star Wars' fans get marathon screening 17 hours of Star Wars. Some even came in complete costumes. For example, Darth Vaders, Storm Troopers, etc. Imagine sitting in a plastic suit for 17 hours in a theater seat. Yowzers!!!

Wolfowitz's Girlfriend Resigns as Wolfowitz's Girlfriend Hahahahahahahahaha

Naked U.S. tourist shocks German city he thought this was acceptable behavior in Germany. Ooops!!

Man busted while drunk driving in wheelchair What about no license plate, no turn signals, no headlights, he may have been wearing a seatbelt though......

Police are asking Colorado women a rather delicate question: Are these your panties? As part of an investigation into widespread underwear theft, police have invited women to view photos of about 1,300 undergarments stolen from laundry rooms near Colorado State University. Can you try them on for me to make sure they fit. Let me see. Hmmm. Try these. hmmmm.

Video shows officer zapping man in groin LALAPALOOZA!!!!

Woman gives birth in car for second time Were they both conceived in cars as well? Points to ponder.

Man reunited with wallet after 37 years

A nine-year-old German girl was so upset about having to tidy her room she put up a sign in her window urging passers-by to call police for help. Hahahahaha. Germans are so funny. They don't care for nude tourists I hear.

Primitive fish already may have possessed the genetic wiring needed to grow hands and feet well before the appearance of the first animals with limbs roughly 365 million years ago, scientists said on Wednesday. Walking fish? Evolution? Could it be???

A captive shark gave "virgin" birth to a pup without the benefit of sperm, the first time such a case has been documented in a shark, U.S. and British researchers said on Wednesday.

N.J. woman, 60, gives birth to twin boys At 60, I just hope I'm able to...perform.

A man once called one of the Internet's most notorious pirates of music and movies was sentenced Wednesday to five years in prison for blowing up a portable toilet. What a load of crap.

A string of runaway rail cars spilled beer in downtown Denver Wednesday after they crashed into a parked locomotive and derailed. Plenty of volunteers were on hand to help with the clean up.

A pair of gay flamingos have adopted an abandoned chick, becoming parents after being together for six years, a British conservation organisation said Monday. Now I'm report on gay flamingos. That is sooooo straight.




Today in History:
1218 - The Fifth Crusade leaves Acre for Egypt.

1487 - Imposter Lambert Simnel is crowned as "King Edward VI" at Dublin. King Imposter?

1621 - Protestant Union formally dissolved.

1626 - Peter Minuit buys Manhattan. The whole thing? (from Indians for trinkets, valued at $24)

1738 - John Wesley is converted, essentially launching the Methodist movement; the day is celebrated annually by Methodists as Aldersgate Day.

1830 - Mary had a little lamb by Sarah Hale is published.

1830 - The first revenue trains in the United States begin service on the Baltimore and Ohio Rail Road between Baltimore and Ellicott's Mills.

1844 Samual FB Morse taps out "What hath God wrought" (1st telegraph message)

1856 - John Brown and his men murder five slavery supporters at Pottawatomie Creek, Kansas. Well, I'll be John Brown...

1862 Westminster Bridge across Thames opens

1883 - The Brooklyn Bridge in New York is opened to traffic after 14 years of construction.

1893 - The Niagara Falls Park and River Railway opens in Ontario. Been there, done that.

1899 - The first public parking garage in the United States is opened in Boston, Massachusetts.

1899 1st auto repair shop opens (Boston)

1911 - The New York Public Library opened. I know you really care.

1916 US pilot William Thaw shoots down a German Fokker. he he he said Fokker

1929 - The Cocoanuts, the first film to star the Marx Brothers, opens.

1931 1st air-conditioned train installed-B&O Railroad

1940 - Igor Sikorsky performs the first successful single-rotor helicopter flight. That rocks. Sikorsky is still a very strong company. Thank you history channel.

1941 - World War II: In the North Atlantic, the German Battleship Bismarck sinks the HMS Hood killing all but three crewmen on what was the pride of the Royal Navy. Wanna know more? Listen to the song "Sink the Bismark" by Johnny Horton. It'll save you some reading time....and it's a catchy toon. did I say toon? I meant tune. I just don't feel like backsapcing today.

1954 IBM announces vacuum tube "electronic" brain that could perform 10 million operations an hour. Dang!!!

1959 1st house with built-in bomb shelter exhibited (Pleasant Hills PA)

1961 - American civil rights movement: Freedom Riders are arrested in Jackson, Mississippi for "disturbing the peace" after disembarking from their bus. Disturbing the peace is one of the most vague of laws. Anything at all can be considered disturbing the peace.

1962 - Project Mercury: American astronaut Scott Carpenter orbits the Earth three times in the Aurora 7 space capsule.

1963 1st Lockheed A-12 to crash, CIA pilot Ken Collins ejects safely

1964 Beatles' 3rd appearance on Ed Sullivan

1968 Mick Jagger & Marianne Faithfull arrested for drug possession. C'mon. It was the 60's.

1969 Beatles' "Get Back" single goes #1 & stays #1 for 5 weeks

1970 Peter Queen quits Fleetwood Mac to join a religious cult. And that's what we refer to as a dumbass move.

1974 - After a nine-year run, The Dean Martin Show airs for the last time. Nooooo.

1985 "View to a Kill" premieres in US . Gotta love James Bond.

1986 Country Singer Garth Brooks marries Sandy Mahl. It'll last forever. Oh, hi Trisha.

1986 Reginald Huffstetler treds water for 985 hours. Why?


1988 John Moschitta set record for fast talking: 586 words per minute. I bet he'd be a good date for a lady. "I couldn't get a word in edgewise". What a strange saying. Edgewise.


1989 - Sonia Sutcliffe, wife of the Yorkshire Ripper, is awarded a six-figure sum in damages after winning a libel action against Private Eye. I bet she was the mastermind behind the whole thing.

1989 "Indiana Jones & the Last Crusade" premieres. One of my all time favorites. "We named the dog Indiana". "How did you know she was a Nazi?" "She talks in her sleep"

1989 Weird Al Yankovic records his UHF soundtrack. In one day?

1990 - A car carrying American Earth First! activists Judi Bari and Darryl Cherney explodes in Oakland, California, critically injuring both.

1993 - Microsoft unveils Windows NT.

1993 Kim Basinger files for bankruptcy to avoid paying $7.4 million settlement. Pretty and thrifty at the same time.

1994 - Four men convicted of bombing New York's World Trade Center in 1993 are each sentenced to 240 years in prison.

1994 Poison singer Bret Michaels gets into a car crash. I assume he's alright.

1996 "Spy Hard" starring Leslie Nielsen is released. Hehehehehehe good one here.

2001 - Mountain climbing: 15-year-old Sherpa Temba Tsheri becomes the youngest person to climb to the top of Mount Everest.

2001 - The Versailles wedding hall collapse in Jerusalem, Israel, kills 23 and injures over 200 in Israel's worst-ever civil disaster.



Happy Birthday:
15 BC - Julius Caesar Germanicus, Roman commander (d. 19)
1819 - Queen Victoria of the United Kingdom (d. 1901)
1879 - H. B. Reese, American inventor of Reese's and founder(d. 1956)
1938 - Tommy Chong, Canadian-born actor and comedian
1941 - Bob Dylan, American singer and songwriter
1944 - Patti LaBelle, American singer
1945 - Priscilla Presley, American actress. Wasn't she married to that guy??? Oh yeah ELVIS
1955 - Rosanne Cash, American singer
1956 - Michael Jackson, Northern Irish clergyman. he he he schamon
1965 - John C. Reilly, American actor


Deaths on this Day:
1543 - Nicolaus Copernicus, Polish astronomer,doctor,man of law (b. 1473)
1725 - Jonathan Wild, English criminal (b. 1683)
1974 - Duke Ellington, American composer and musician (b. 1899)
1991 - Gene Clark, American singer and songwriter (The Byrds) (b. 1944)