Happy 4th of July

Ugg Boot

This guy comes in from work, slams the door, throws all his stuff down, and falls into his chair. He yells for his wife and she comes runing to see what's wrong.

Staring straight ahead, he says "go get me a beer before it starts."

"Okay?" so, she runs to the kitchen and gets him a beer.

After finishing that one, he says again "go and get me a beer before it starts"

She raises an eyebrow but again she goes and gets him another beer.

After drinking that one, he yet again says, "go and get me another beer before it starts."

By this time, she'd had enough. "before what starts?? I realize you've been working all day but I've been here all day mopping the floors, washing the dishes, doing the laundry… "

He sighs… "ah, hell, nevermind, its already started…"

And in the news:

Thai Fishermen Net 646-Pound Catfish. Click here to see the picture.

London: The government launched a series of tough anti-cigarette adverts on Friday with the message that smoking is bad for your sex life because it makes men impotent and women ugly.

One ad uses a burning cigarette end between two "fingerlegs" as a metaphor for a penis with the strapline "Does smoking make you hard? Not if it means you can't get it up."

Another targets women saying cigarettes lead to premature skin aging and warns that smoking causes "cat's bum mouth."

June 29, 2005

Heartbroken Rockers ... The Beatles Flee ... Elvis Serenades

This is the week that was in matters musical...

1915, seminal blues bassist, songwriter, and producer Willie Dixon is born in Vicksburg, Mississippi ... during his six-decade career he will play on and produce records for all the baddest blues dudes including Howlin' Wolf, Muddy Waters, Little Walter, and Sonny Boy Williamson II ... his songs, including "Hoochie Coochie Man" and "Evil," become staples of the blues repertoire, and late in life he will successfully sue Led Zeppelin twice for copyright infringement...

1956, Elvis Presley appears on The Steve Allen Show wearing a tux loaned to him by the host ... he performs his torchy "I Want You, I Need You, I Love You" backed by the smooth-singing Jordanaires and then tears into a rocking version of "Hound Dog" which he sings to a basset hound that's propped up on a pedestal...

1957, Ray Charles' eponymously-titled first Atlantic album is released...

1966, two Philippines army battalions in full combat regalia meet The Beatles when they touch down in Manila during their Asian tour ... the soldiers hustle the lads past 50,000 screaming fans before they're safely ensconced at a naval base ... the next day they play two shows to overflow crowds and blow off lunch with dictator Ferdinand Marcos's wife Imelda resulting in their security being withdrawn ... the lads are obliged to fight their way onto their plane and George Harrison ruefully reflects, "The only way I'd return to the Philippines would be to drop an atom bomb on it"...

1968, promoter Bill Graham opens The Fillmore Auditorium in San Francisco ... The Jefferson Airplane top the bill ... the venue becomes a Mecca for psychedelic bands and their adoring, patchouli-scented fans...

1969, the naughtiest Rolling Stone, Brian Jones, is found dead in his swimming pool ... the coroner's ruling is "misadventure" -- his drowning is attributed to that classic killer combo, alcohol and barbiturates ... three days later the Stones put on a free concert before 250,000 in London's Hyde Park to ostensibly introduce their new guitarist Mick Taylor ... meanwhile at the Newport Jazz Festival rock acts including Led Zeppelin, Jeff Beck, and Jethro Tull appear for the first and last time...

1971, this week looms large in affairs of the heart where rockers are concerned ... in 1971 Jim Morrison is found in his Parisian bathtub dead of a heart attack ... Rolling Stone's cover story proclaims, "He's Hot, He's Sexy and He's Dead" ... Morrison is buried in Père Lachaise Cemetery, the final resting place of Chopin and Oscar Wilde ... his grave becomes a hot tourist destination second only to the Eiffel Tower ... in 1975, folk-rocker Tim Buckley (father of Jeff) dies of a drug-induced heart attack ... exactly four years later in 1979, much-admired Little Feat slide guitarist and founder Lowell George suffers the same fate ... in 1999 Elton John is fitted with a pacemaker after being found to have an irregular heartbeat ... that very same day, Morphine frontman Mark Sandman drops dead onstage from a heart attack during an Italian concert while in LA, portly Blues Traveler harp player-singer John Popper receives an angioplasty in response to complaints of chest pain...

1972, Willie Nelson throws the first of his annual Independence Day picnics in Dripping Springs, TX...

1973, the rock musical Jesus Christ Superstar closes its Broadway run after 720 performances...

1974, Greg Allman ties the knot with pop diva Cher just four days after her divorce from Sonny Bono is final ... the new union lasts only nine days before the pair separates...

1978, Peter Frampton suffers a broken arm and cracked ribs in a Bahamian auto wreck...

1982, Ozzy Osbourne marries his manager Sharon Arden laying the groundwork for MTV's future entry into the sitcom market...

1983, following a 10-year estrangement, the Everly Brothers reunite...

1984, Epic sets a record by shipping two million copies of The Jacksons album Victory to record stores ... the release is the group's only album to feature all six Jackson brothers and is the last to feature Michael whose solo career is burning brightly...

1990, 2 Live Crew releases the single "Banned in the U.S.A." in response to bluenoses who have targeted the rap group's albums ... "Born in the U.S.A." composer Bruce Springsteen gives his blessings to the parody ... Vatican representatives announce their attempt to block Madonna's upcoming Rome concerts due to her inappropriate use of religious symbols including crucifixes ... they prevail and the shows are canceled...

1991, over 60 audience members are injured during a Guns N' Roses show in Maryland Heights, MO ... singer Axl Rose is charged with property damage and third-degree assault for jumping off the stage and attacking a videotaping fan ... a year later he surrenders to authorities...

1995, Courtney Love is charged with assault after she belts Bikini Kill singer Kathleen Hanna at a Lollapalooza show in George, Washington ... the tempestuous singer is given a one-year suspended sentence and ordered to take anger-management classes...

1996, Neil Young's new album Broken Arrow gets its debut via the Internet...

1997, DJ Wolfman Jack drops dead of a heart attack in his driveway after giving his wife a goodbye hug ... born Robert Smith, the gravel-voiced radio personality endeared himself to millions of listeners across the U.S. by blasting a torrid mix of soul, blues, and R&B from a 250,000-watt Mexican station operating just over the Texas border ... Brooklyn born, many of his fans presumed Smith was black until he made a cameo appearance in American Graffiti playing himself...

1998, in a successful effort to prevent reporters from eavesdropping on their wedding ceremony, Barbra Streisand and James Brolin arrange to have the White Zombie album La Sexorcisto: Devil Music Volume One blasted from a van parked outside their Malibu villa at an earsplitting volume...

2000, in a phenomenally belated ruling, a San Francisco court rules that the Rolling Stones should have given proper credit for the songs "Stop Breakin' Down" and "Love in Vain," both of which were written by Robert Johnson ... the Stones' former record label had presumed incorrectly that the songs were in the public domain ... nine people die and 24 are injured when the crowd surges toward the stage at Denmark's Roskilde Festival because the PA isn't getting enough sound to the back ... Pearl Jam is the band playing at the time of the incident...

2001, New Orleans R&B singer Ernie K-Doe dies ... he had scored a big hit in 1961 with the song "Mother-in-Law" ... ironically, he's laid to rest in a family plot right next to -- you guessed it -- his mother-in-law...