Hump Day c'mon do the humpty hump

Ugg Boot

...and today in history...
1607 1st Protestant Episcopal parish in America established, Jamestown

1633 Galileo Galilei is forced by Inquisition to "abjure, curse, &
detest" his Copernican heliocentric views (turns out, he was right)
1684 MA Bay Colony's charter revoked (take that bi otches)
1768 1st US bachelor of medicine degree (Dr John Archer)
1788 US Constitution goes into effect as NH is 9th to ratify (How ya like me now, King George?)
1834 Cyrus Hall McCormick patents reaping machine (I'd like to rent your raping machine for the weekend. What's that? ....OOOOOoooohhhh reaping machine. how much to rent it then?)
1858 Louisiana chess prodigy Paul Morphy arrives in Europe (obviously he's the only international traveler that day)
1879 F W Woolworth opens 1st store (failed almost immediately)(doh)
1887 Britain celebrates golden jubilee of Queen Victoria (gifts of toothbrushes for everyone)
1893 1st Ferris wheel premieres (Chicago's Columbian Exposition)
1903 Sherlock Holmes "Adventure of The Mazarine Stone" takes place (BG)
1913 Tiny Broadwick becomes 1st woman to parachute from an airplane (She was reported to have said, and I quote "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!)
1939 Doctors reveal Lou Gehrig has amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (Didn't he die of Lou Gehrigs disease? What are the odds of that?)
1945 Japanese forces on Okinawa surrender to US during WW II
1948 1st stored computer program run, on Manchester Mark I
1948 Dr Peter Goldmark of CBS demonstrates "long playing record"
Columbia commits to 33 1/3 rpm records, plans to phase out 78's (nooooooooo)
1968 Supreme Court Chief Justice Earl Warren resigns (you remember him...the Warren commission to investigate the assassination of JFK)
1969 Zager & Evans release "In the Year 2525" (very good song)
1982 Paul McCartney releases "Take it Away" (Brad releases gas. and boy did it stink)
1982 Wash DC jury finds John Hinckley Jr innocent by insanity (that crazy bastard isn't insane.)
1987 Mike Tyson sexually harasses a parking lot attendent
1989 Melanie Griffith & Don Johnson remarry (and they lived happily ever after, well, up until the divorce)
1989 Supreme Court rules ok to burn US flag as a political expression
1990 Little Richard gets a star on Hollywood's walk of fame (I bet he squealed like a girl. no offense ladies)
1990 NYC's Zodiac killer shoots 4th victim, Larry Parham (the zodiac killer has never been caught)

Happy Birthday:
1732 Martha Washington 1st, 1st lady
1982 Prince William of Wales Prince Chuck & Lady Di's baby