and there's no reply at all
Ugg Boot
A guy walked into the local welfare office, marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare, I'd really rather have a job."
The social worker behind the counter said, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffer and bodyguard for his beautiful granddaughter. You'll have to drive
around in his Mercedes, and he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort the granddaughter on her overseas holiday trips and you will have to satisfy her sexual urges.
The guy, wide-eyed, said, "You're bullshittin' me!"
The social worker said, "Yeah, well . . . you started it."
In The News
Are Flip-Flops damaging your career? Yes. I can't believe anyone, regardless of temperature, would wear flip flops to work. It's unprofessional and is really white-trashy. If you don't agree or are offended by this, read the sentence prior to this one.
A woman living in Germany is auctioning off her red Ferrari Enzo sports car and including a little extra in the package -- herself. I'll give you 80,000 for the car alone. 30,000 if it comes with the woman.
Embezzler busted for posing as Brad Pitt. Did it not cross his mind that everyone on the face of the earth knows what Brad Pitt looks like? Dumbass.
Man pulls TV from house fire to watch soccer. My first thought was, what an idiot. However, this man should get an endorsement for a soccer team somewhere. Could there be a bigger fan?
Adding weights to children's toys may help them improve their fitness during playtime. Parents, get off of your lazy asses and do some activities with your kids. When you finally decide to do this, it may be too late.
Jamaica has decided not to distribute condoms in prisons, where violence has broken out in the past over mere suggestions that men have sex with men in the facilities. Oh yeah. Not giving out condoms is gonna stop prison sex. Keep it real people. Wouldn't you atleast want them to have protected sex? Did you know that any kind of anal sex, be it with 2 men, a man and woman, a man and a giraffe, or whatever, is very dangerous. A condom should always be used. In a way, this prison would be negligent. Yeah, I'm a lawyer. I'm lawyer B-Rad G from Mali-boo biotch.
Local officials in the rural Alaskan town of King Cove have put an old school up for sale on eBay, saying they hope to raise $1.8 million. And who said school never paid off.
Former "Baywatch" star David Hasselhoff had surgery after severing a tendon in his right arm in an accident in a London gym bathroom. Overheard on the bathroom overhead speaker......Beat It by Michael Jackson. C'mon Dave.... Self sex should be safe sex.
Officers who went to a home to serve a search warrant found a skeleton in the bed where an 80-year-old woman said her mother was sleeping. She was in a dead sleep. hahahahaha
History today:
1794 Battle of Fort Recovery, Ohio (did Fort Recovery recover?)
1834 Congress creates Indian Territory (now Oklahoma) (so the name of the play "Oklahoma" used to be Indian Territory? What gives?
1859 Charles Blondin is 1st to cross Niagara Falls on a tightrope (although I think tightrope walkers are idiots, I admire their courage. And it's fun to watch their arms flail as the fall)
1882 - Charles Guiteau hanged in Washington, DC for the shooting death of President James Garfield. So was he well hung?
1893 Excelsior diamond (blue-white 995 carats) discovered.
1908 Giant fireball impacts in Central Siberia (Tunguska Event) . That damned dragon has another cold.
1934 "Night of the Long Knives," Hitler stages bloody purge of Nazi party. and we all know what happened to him.
1936 "Gone With the Wind" by Margaret Mitchell, published
1936 40 hour work week law approved (federal) No more sweat shops for me. Keep up the good fight brother.
1956 - A TWA Super Constellation and a United Airlines DC-7 (Flight 718) collide above the Grand Canyon in Arizona, United States, killing 128.
1959 During a game in Wrigley Field, 2 balls were in play at same time. hahahahahaha balls in play....hahahaha
1962 Murie Lindstrom wins US Women's Golf Open ......women?.....playing golf?
1966 Beatles land in Tokyo for a concert tour
1967 Maj Robert H Lawrence Jr named 1st black astronaut . African-American astronaut. Politically correctness is a must around here you freekin' honkey.
1973 Observers aboard Concorde jet observe 72-min solar eclipse. wow
1974 Petty thief Peter Leonard sets fire to cover burglary that
torches "Gulliver's" nightclub. 24 die (Port Chester NY). What a dick. hahahaha Peter.....Dick....hahahahaha
1974 Mrs. Martin Luther King, Sr., and a church deacon were slain by a crazed gunman in Atlanta's Ebenezer Baptist Church, where her son, the assassinated civil rights leader, once preached.
1975 Bundy victim Shelley Robertson disappears in Colorado . Ted 1 Shelley 0 Was that in bad taste or what? Ted got his though.
1975 Cher, just 4 days after divorcing Sonny Bono marries Gregg Allman. Dumb, Dumb, Dumb.
1977 Marvel Comics publish the "Kiss book" tributing the rock group Kiss
1978 Larry Doby becomes manager of the Chicago White Sox. I'm so glad I know that. My life is now complete.
1986 Georgia sodomy law upheld by Supreme Court (5-4)
1988 Brooklyn dedicates a bus depot honoring Jackie Gleason
1989 Congressman Lukins found guilty of having sex with a 16 year old girl . Like you wouldn't have sex with a 16 year old girl. Haven't we all?
Happy Birthday:
1685 John Gay author (Baggars' Opera) hahahahahaha John hahahahaha
1963 Yngwie Maimsteen rocker (Eclipse, Oddysey)
1966 "Iron" Mike Tyson heavyweight boxing champ (1986-90) it should be, ear bitin' tyson
We miss you:
1971 3 cosmonauts die as Soyuz XI depressurizes during reentry
1974 Mother of Martin Luther King shot at organ
1974 Mrs Albert King mother of Martin Luther King, murdered in church
1974 Mrs Martin Luther King Sr shot in church, by a black man . Wait a minute. Sing along to the old Christmas Carol..... We three kings were shot in a church, .....
2001 - Chet Atkins, American guitarist (b. 1924)
2003 - Buddy Hackett, American comic (b. 1924)
Are Flip-Flops damaging your career? Yes. I can't believe anyone, regardless of temperature, would wear flip flops to work. It's unprofessional and is really white-trashy. If you don't agree or are offended by this, read the sentence prior to this one.
A woman living in Germany is auctioning off her red Ferrari Enzo sports car and including a little extra in the package -- herself. I'll give you 80,000 for the car alone. 30,000 if it comes with the woman.
Embezzler busted for posing as Brad Pitt. Did it not cross his mind that everyone on the face of the earth knows what Brad Pitt looks like? Dumbass.
Man pulls TV from house fire to watch soccer. My first thought was, what an idiot. However, this man should get an endorsement for a soccer team somewhere. Could there be a bigger fan?
Adding weights to children's toys may help them improve their fitness during playtime. Parents, get off of your lazy asses and do some activities with your kids. When you finally decide to do this, it may be too late.
Jamaica has decided not to distribute condoms in prisons, where violence has broken out in the past over mere suggestions that men have sex with men in the facilities. Oh yeah. Not giving out condoms is gonna stop prison sex. Keep it real people. Wouldn't you atleast want them to have protected sex? Did you know that any kind of anal sex, be it with 2 men, a man and woman, a man and a giraffe, or whatever, is very dangerous. A condom should always be used. In a way, this prison would be negligent. Yeah, I'm a lawyer. I'm lawyer B-Rad G from Mali-boo biotch.
Local officials in the rural Alaskan town of King Cove have put an old school up for sale on eBay, saying they hope to raise $1.8 million. And who said school never paid off.
Former "Baywatch" star David Hasselhoff had surgery after severing a tendon in his right arm in an accident in a London gym bathroom. Overheard on the bathroom overhead speaker......Beat It by Michael Jackson. C'mon Dave.... Self sex should be safe sex.
Officers who went to a home to serve a search warrant found a skeleton in the bed where an 80-year-old woman said her mother was sleeping. She was in a dead sleep. hahahahaha
History today:
1794 Battle of Fort Recovery, Ohio (did Fort Recovery recover?)
1834 Congress creates Indian Territory (now Oklahoma) (so the name of the play "Oklahoma" used to be Indian Territory? What gives?
1859 Charles Blondin is 1st to cross Niagara Falls on a tightrope (although I think tightrope walkers are idiots, I admire their courage. And it's fun to watch their arms flail as the fall)
1882 - Charles Guiteau hanged in Washington, DC for the shooting death of President James Garfield. So was he well hung?
1893 Excelsior diamond (blue-white 995 carats) discovered.
1908 Giant fireball impacts in Central Siberia (Tunguska Event) . That damned dragon has another cold.
1934 "Night of the Long Knives," Hitler stages bloody purge of Nazi party. and we all know what happened to him.
1936 "Gone With the Wind" by Margaret Mitchell, published
1936 40 hour work week law approved (federal) No more sweat shops for me. Keep up the good fight brother.
1956 - A TWA Super Constellation and a United Airlines DC-7 (Flight 718) collide above the Grand Canyon in Arizona, United States, killing 128.
1959 During a game in Wrigley Field, 2 balls were in play at same time. hahahahahaha balls in play....hahahaha
1962 Murie Lindstrom wins US Women's Golf Open ......women?.....playing golf?
1966 Beatles land in Tokyo for a concert tour
1967 Maj Robert H Lawrence Jr named 1st black astronaut . African-American astronaut. Politically correctness is a must around here you freekin' honkey.
1973 Observers aboard Concorde jet observe 72-min solar eclipse. wow
1974 Petty thief Peter Leonard sets fire to cover burglary that
torches "Gulliver's" nightclub. 24 die (Port Chester NY). What a dick. hahahaha Peter.....Dick....hahahahaha
1974 Mrs. Martin Luther King, Sr., and a church deacon were slain by a crazed gunman in Atlanta's Ebenezer Baptist Church, where her son, the assassinated civil rights leader, once preached.
1975 Bundy victim Shelley Robertson disappears in Colorado . Ted 1 Shelley 0 Was that in bad taste or what? Ted got his though.
1975 Cher, just 4 days after divorcing Sonny Bono marries Gregg Allman. Dumb, Dumb, Dumb.
1977 Marvel Comics publish the "Kiss book" tributing the rock group Kiss
1978 Larry Doby becomes manager of the Chicago White Sox. I'm so glad I know that. My life is now complete.
1986 Georgia sodomy law upheld by Supreme Court (5-4)
1988 Brooklyn dedicates a bus depot honoring Jackie Gleason
1989 Congressman Lukins found guilty of having sex with a 16 year old girl . Like you wouldn't have sex with a 16 year old girl. Haven't we all?
Happy Birthday:
1685 John Gay author (Baggars' Opera) hahahahahaha John hahahahaha
1963 Yngwie Maimsteen rocker (Eclipse, Oddysey)
1966 "Iron" Mike Tyson heavyweight boxing champ (1986-90) it should be, ear bitin' tyson
We miss you:
1971 3 cosmonauts die as Soyuz XI depressurizes during reentry
1974 Mother of Martin Luther King shot at organ
1974 Mrs Albert King mother of Martin Luther King, murdered in church
1974 Mrs Martin Luther King Sr shot in church, by a black man . Wait a minute. Sing along to the old Christmas Carol..... We three kings were shot in a church, .....
2001 - Chet Atkins, American guitarist (b. 1924)
2003 - Buddy Hackett, American comic (b. 1924)
posted by Crazy B @ 8:35 AM
2 Comments:
My favorite thing about watching tightrope walkers is when they fall and crunch their crotch on the rope. BOING! YIKES!
and you say mine is like reading a book. sheesh.
and my comment:
they should just give out pocket pussies and lube for good behavior.
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