My Blogger Wouldn't Work Yesterday

Ugg Boot

Mars Rovers Get Mystery Power Boost. Let me take your mind on a journey. The year is 2336. After a forty year race war, there is a stale mate between the races of the Earth. The race war called Helter Skelter after the race wars that Charles Manson described, consumed or destroyed approximately 75% of Earths natural resources. With gasoline prices soaring to over $400 a gallon, the survivors evolve from gasoline engines to solar power. Solar powered vehicles was experimented with in the 1900's and carried over into the new millenium but were never perfected until 2327, five years after Helter Skelter. The separate countries no longer exist. The United States of America is but a distant memory. What was the United Nations is now known as the Earth Government with one representative from each continent. The Earth Government recently noticed that the Mars looks different in the night sky. Looking through telescopes, scientists see that the once red planet has, over a few hundred years, turned a dull grey. Scientists studying Mars have discovered that solar powered robots are swarming the moon. They have evolved.

New York officials were red-faced on Friday after they discovered that clothing ads on city buses that appeared to promote reading suggested a love of books could be rewarded with oral sex. And you wonder why O.G. Readmoore and Lavar Burton of Reading Rainbow were always so energetic and happy.

A National Guard F-16 fighter plane mistakenly fired off 25 rounds of ammunition at the Little Egg Harbor Intermediate School in South New Jersey on Wednesday night. "So.....That's what that button is for".

The number of U.S. citizens visiting Canada's main immigration Web site has shot up six-fold as Americans flirt with the idea of abandoning their homeland after President Bush's election win this week. Get the hell out of our country traitors. Ya'll are sore losers. Canada should be a good place for idiots like you.

Tin of Ancient Roman Cosmetic Cream Found. Wow!

Naked Man Hides in Plane Wheel Well. Now, I've done many things in my life while naked but never jumped a plane.

There is little money to be gained from attempting to rob a bank that is still under construction. This makes him the idiot of the day.

Two golf course managers and a tournament organizer were sentenced to house arrest for hosting two competitions featuring prostitutes and strippers stationed along the putting greens. Can't people just have a little fun? Guess not.

Showing that a little flutter can do you good, a British woman stands to collect a cheque for 12,650 pounds on Friday after betting she would live to 100.

N.D. Women Put 'Art Bras' on Display. Was her bra on display? I bet it wasn't.

Part of a highway in the Finger Lakes region was closed for five hours Thursday evening after a tanker truck crashed, spilling 45,000 pounds of slippery liquid chocolate that hardened. mmmmmmmmmmm chocolate.

A 6-year-old girl brought more than $1,000 worth of crack to school, and her mother claimed the child must have gotten it while trick-or-treating. I don't know about you but I'm not giving my crack away to children when I could sell it for $1,000.

Today in da history of da world:
1605 - Gunpowder Plot: A plot by Guy Fawkes to blow up the English Houses of Parliament is foiled when Sir Thomas Knyvet , a justice of the peace, finds Fawkes in a cellar below the Parliament building

1862 - Indian Wars: In Minnesota, more than 300 Santee Sioux are found guilty of rape and murder of white settlers and are sentenced to hang. Those white people needed a little raping.

1872 - Women's suffrage: In defiance of the law, suffragist Susan B. Anthony votes for the first time (she was later fined $100).

1895 - George B. Selden is granted the first U.S. patent for an automobile.

1912 - U.S. presidential election, 1912: Democratic challenger Woodrow Wilson wins a landslide victory over Republican incumbent William Howard Taft.

1913 - The insane king Otto of Bavaria is deposed by his cousin, Prince Regent Ludwig, who assumed the title Ludwig III. He went on to design drum sets for Led Zeppelin.

1935 - Parker Brothers releases the board game Monopoly. Monopoly was refused by many companies for many years because they thought it had too many hard rules to be any fun. The inventor of Monopoly sold hand made sets for years until Parker Brothers found out how big of a hit it was. It is now the #1 board game seller of all time.

1937 - World War II: Adolf Hitler holds a secret meeting and states his plans for acquiring "living space" for the German people. Seriously, who trusts a guy named Adolf anyway?

1968 - U.S. presidential election, 1968: Republican challenger Richard M. Nixon defeats Vice President Hubert Humphrey and American Independent Party candidate George C. Wallace.

1970 - Vietnam War: United States Military Assistance Command in Vietnam reports the lowest weekly American soldier death toll in five years (24

1990 - Rabbi Meir Kahane, founder of the far-right Kach movement, is shot dead after a speech at a New York City hotel.

1992 - In Detroit, Michigan, black motorist Malice Green is beaten to death by policemen Larry Nevers and Walter Budzyn during a struggle. I bet he won't fight police no more. Idiot.

1994 - A letter by former US President Ronald Reagan is released that announces he has Alzheimer's disease. Sad, very sad.

1996 - U.S. presidential election, 1996: Democrat incumbent Bill Clinton defeats Republican challenger Bob Dole to win his second term.

1998 - Lewinsky scandal: As part of the impeachment inquiry, House Judiciary Committee chairman Henry Hyde sends a list of 81 questions to US President Bill Clinton.

1998 - The journal Nature publishes a genetic study showing compelling evidence that Thomas Jefferson fathered his slave Sally Hemings' son Eston Hemings Jefferson. Tom, as he liked for me to call him, liked to get freaky with the sistas too. Right on.

Happy Birthday to:
1863 - James Packard , automobile pioneer (d. 1928)

1912 - Roy Rogers, actor (d. 1998)

1913 - Vivien Leigh, actress (d. 1967) Gone with the Wind

1931 - Ike Turner, musician

1941 - Art Garfunkel, musician

1959 - Bryan Adams, musician

And more importantly, what happened this week in MUSIC HISTORY:

1960, in an odd bit of synchronicity, singer Johnny ("Battle of New Orleans") Horton dies in an auto wreck after playing a date at the Skyline Club in Austin, Texas, the same venue that hosted Hank Williams' final gig ... Horton's widow had once been Mrs. Williams...

1963, "Louie Louie" is released by the Kingsmen ... one of the most-covered songs of all time, it is charged that the slurred lyrics are obscene ... the song is banned on some radio stations especially in Indiana where Governor Matthew Welch determines that the ditty is definitely dirty ... even the FBI gets caught up in the controversy though the Bureau ultimately wraps up its 31-month investigation inconclusively stating that they are "unable to interpret any of the wording in the record" ... in 2003, 754 guitarists play a 10-minute rendition of the song at Tacoma, Washington's Cheney Stadium ... the event is thought to be the world's largest jam session...

1966, Bill Graham's Fillmore Auditorium in San Francisco opens its doors ... the venue is destined to become the focal point for psychedelic music...

1967, the movie How I Won the War starring John Lennon opens in the US ... it is the first film to feature a solo performance by a Beatle...

1970, Bob Dylan records "George Jackson" a tribute to the black militant leader killed in a California prison shootout...

1972, James Taylor and Carly Simon tie the knot in her Manhattan apartment ... they will separate 10 years later...

1972, Johnny Paycheck starts pulling down a regular salary when he officially joins the cast of the Grand Ole Opry...

1977, during a London concert Elton John announces that he is retiring from live performance ... he gets back in the road game in February 1979...

1977, Martin Scorcese's film The Last Waltz commemorating The Band's last concert opens to rave reviews in New York ... Ozzy Osbourne quits Black Sabbath then rejoins the proto-metalists a few weeks later...

1978, Donna Summer's cover of "MacArthur Park" becomes the Billboard #1 Pop Hit ... a decade earlier actor Richard Harris had taken his bombastic reading of the Jimmy Webb tune noted for its incomprehensible lyrics to #2...

1985, the theme from the TV show Miami Vice rides the top of the Billboard Hot 100 ... the soundtrack LP also goes to #1 in the album chart where it will reside for 11 weeks beating the former TV-theme record-holder, The Music from Peter Gunn...

1986, Willie Nelson plays a corrupt cop in a guest appearance on TV's Miami Vice...

1991, a crowd of more than 300,000 attend a free show in San Francisco's Golden Gate Park to commemorate the death of rock promoter Bill Graham ... the bill includes the Grateful Dead; Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young; Joan Baez; Santana; and Journey who reunite for the memorial show ... Graham died on October 26 when the helicopter in which he was traveling hit a utility tower...

1991, blues, soul, rock, and country are all well represented when the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inducts Bobby "Blue" Bland, Booker T & The MGs, Jimi Hendrix, Johnny Cash, The Isley Brothers, The Yardbirds, and Sam and Dave...

1992, Elton John and his lyricist Bernie Taupin sign a $39 million publishing deal with Warner Chappell Music ... Boyz II Men's "End of the Road" reaches the end of the #1 road when it makes its 13th and final appearance in the Billboard Hot 100 chart's top slot...

1995, Hootie and the Blowfish and Bob Dylan reach an out-of-court settlement over the band's unauthorized use of Dylan's lyrics in their song "Only Want To Be With You"... that same day Michael Jackson's ATV Music catalog and Sony Corp. merge to form the world's third biggest music publishing company worth an estimated $300 million...among the goodies Jackson brings to the table are a raft of classic Beatles tunes ... that evening The Wizard of Oz in Concert is performed at the Lincoln Center in New York ... the cast includes Jewel as Dorothy, Jackson Browne as the Scarecrow, and Roger Daltrey as the Tin Man...

1996, Michael Jackson announces that he and friend Debbie Rowe are expecting a child ... the King of Pop denies reports that the baby was conceived using artificial insemination and that Rowe was paid to bear the child...

1998, Little Jimmy Dickens's appearance at the Grand Ole Opry marks his 50th year as a member of the cast ... Dickens is best-remembered for his 1965 hit "May The Bird Of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose" ... Rick James has a stroke when a blood vessel in his neck ruptures during a head-banging performance in Denver ... Old Dirty Bastard of Wu Tang Clan is arrested for threatening to kill his former girlfriend ... he is apprehended while climbing over a security gate at the woman's place of employment ... Michael Jackson settles his suit against the London Daily Mirror over pictures and stories run by the scandal sheet claiming that the star's face has been disfigured by plastic surgery ... a lawyer representing the Mirror says, "The photographs were taken honestly and were not tampered with, but the Mirror has since met with the plaintiff in person and acknowledges that the photographs do not accurately represent the plaintiff's true appearance"...

1999, as a follow-up to her tersely-titled debut album, Tidal, Fiona Apple releases her sophomore effort, When The Pawn Hits The Conflicts He Thinks Like A King What He Knows Throws The Blows When He Goes To The Fight And He'll Win The Whole Thing 'Fore He Enters The Ring There's Nobody To Batter When Your Mind Is Your Might So When You Go Solo, You Hold Your Own Hand And Remember That Depth Is The Greatest Of Heights And If You Know Where You Stand, Then You'll Know Where To Land And If You Fall It Won't Matter, Cuz You'll Know That You're Right...yeah, right...whatever...